What To Do
I'm not sure if I'm alone in this quandry, but it's hard to know how to address people who ask, "So, how are the kids?"
With chronic illness, that can sometimes be an embarrassing question because with three sick kids, there are only fleeting moments when they are all doing well at the same time. I start feeling like a broken record if I really tell them the truth and honestly, I don't think the majority of people who ask really truly care.
I've tried it both ways, reporting things as they are and just sugar coating reality with a "Fine, they are all fine." It seems that as soon as I sugar coat our life, our situation quickly spirals out of control and we find ourselves in a big bind. Then the same people who I replied, fine, too are now scratching their heads because just 24 hours ago, we were fine!
I was reminded of this complex communication problem again last night as a few people asked me how the kids were. I said that Shelbie is getting along and holding her own but Spencer was having some problems. They wanted me to elaborate so I did but that was received with deep breaths, eye rolling and the most popular response, "Sorry we asked." They weren't saying it to be rude, in fact, I knew they were genuinely sorry but it still feels awkward. Actually, I was sorry they asked too.
I hate feeling like a burden, or that I am just some negative person trying to find problems. I don't see myself as negative. I have my days, that's for sure but even on the worst day, I try to find a morsel of goodness. I hate that we overwhelm people. I just want to be normal but normal is so far from my realm of understanding I know we will never fit in that catagory. In fact, I'm pretty sure I could be the poster child for Crazy. Oh well...such is life...in the fast lane of adversity!
With chronic illness, that can sometimes be an embarrassing question because with three sick kids, there are only fleeting moments when they are all doing well at the same time. I start feeling like a broken record if I really tell them the truth and honestly, I don't think the majority of people who ask really truly care.
I've tried it both ways, reporting things as they are and just sugar coating reality with a "Fine, they are all fine." It seems that as soon as I sugar coat our life, our situation quickly spirals out of control and we find ourselves in a big bind. Then the same people who I replied, fine, too are now scratching their heads because just 24 hours ago, we were fine!
I was reminded of this complex communication problem again last night as a few people asked me how the kids were. I said that Shelbie is getting along and holding her own but Spencer was having some problems. They wanted me to elaborate so I did but that was received with deep breaths, eye rolling and the most popular response, "Sorry we asked." They weren't saying it to be rude, in fact, I knew they were genuinely sorry but it still feels awkward. Actually, I was sorry they asked too.
I hate feeling like a burden, or that I am just some negative person trying to find problems. I don't see myself as negative. I have my days, that's for sure but even on the worst day, I try to find a morsel of goodness. I hate that we overwhelm people. I just want to be normal but normal is so far from my realm of understanding I know we will never fit in that catagory. In fact, I'm pretty sure I could be the poster child for Crazy. Oh well...such is life...in the fast lane of adversity!
It makes you want to say, DO YOU WANT THE TRUTH OR A PRETTY LIE? But know this, when I ask I truly care and I think that asking is a way to say, I care what you are going through. I am sure getting the same question over and over again can be a burden and quite tiresome. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteI think you are a very positive person. You have taken what you've been given and made the best of it. I sincerely mean that.
ReplyDelete