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Showing posts from August, 2014


This week has been brought to us by the letter R and the word Resignation.

We began the week with flooding.  More stinking flooding!  Mother Nature has forgotten all about moderation. I spent over 2 hours out in the pouring, freezing rain; lightening and thunder on top of me, bailing water from the window wells and digging up my backyard.  I dug trenches to redirect the water.  I found this long hose, 3" in diameter, that I attached to my downspout and laid it in a trench that led to the back of my yard. Also that night, I dug up a huge tree because I couldn't get to the source of the leak into the basement unless the tree was out of my way.  That left me with a massive hole so...I had to hike down the street to a pile of dirt I noticed and filled up three wheelbarrow loads to fill in the hole.  Keep in's pouring rain the entire time!   My wheelbarrow had a flat tire so I was literally pulling a wheelbarrow filled with mud! Bleh!

At the time, I didn't reall…

Happy Birthday Shelbie

Shelbie celebrated her 22nd birthday this past Wednesday!  I never feel old until my kids have a birthday and then I can hardly believe my age...let alone theirs.

This year, we played it pretty low key.  Shelbie was still recovering from her metabolic crisis from the previous week.  We went out for dinner but it took her three hours to shower, dry her hair and get dressed.  She had to keep stopping to sit down and rest.  It was sad but it was an improvement over the last 5 days.

These are two of my favorite pictures of Shelbie.  The first one is when she was three years old. Just a little tiny thing with a big personality.  Already at age three, she had had countless seizures and a serious drop in platelets and recurring bouts of petechiae, as well as neutropenia...the beginnings of bone marrow failure.  We had no idea, that just two years from this picture, the course of our life, her life would change dramatically!

I could look at the second picture all day long, every day!  I lov…


Another eventful week around here.

Shelbie had her transfusion on Thursday.  She had a pretty good reaction about 2 hours into it and we had slow things down, add in some new meds and wait until it passed, which it did and things seemed fine.  Later that night, she was with her dad and aunts and turned all loopy and really confused and out of it.  They brought her home and she truly was acting weird.  I just figured it was a combination of stress, fatigue and the IVIG.  She eventually fell asleep and that was the end of that...or so I thought.

Friday, the headache started which is really early, historically speaking.  We started the migraine meds at the first sign of trouble but it kept escalating.  Eventually, I had to take her to the ER.  We got home at 2:30am, I stayed up til about 3:30 just to make sure she was okay and sleeping comfortably.

Saturday morning came early...well, about three hours after I went to bed, the neighbor decides to start weed whacking along his back fence…

Love Songs...or something like that!

On my way home from the city last night, I tuned in the radio to the local 'love' song station.  Every night, they play love songs.   Well, they call them love songs but they were really songs like, "Killing me softly", "Where do broken hearts go?" and "I'm all out of love."  Ya, that sounds about right...sounds about like my love life!

Anyhow...they played enough Air Supply to throw you back to the 80's and the Saturday Night Youth dances.  

Awww, the Saturday Night Dance.  Our church would sponsor a teen dance night every single Saturday.  I think I went to almost every dance not because I enjoyed them but because I was wildly desperate to trick myself into thinking I had a social life.

There I stood, against the darkest wall of the gym, usually alone because the people I went with were more of the popular variety.  You could tell when the night was winding down because they played more and more sappy love songs or heart break songs!   …


Tonight, I left the city just as a storm was rolling in.  There was an amazing sunset so I had to pull over and take a picture.

As I drove home, I thought about how the stormy, dark clouds made the sunset look extra beautiful tonight.

I thought about how stormy things have been this month and I have not once, stopped to notice that the sun still sets on the bright days and the dark days.  I'm so busy trying to run for cover to even notice that there is still a brightness shining through at the end of the day.

Tonight...I'm glad for the chance to just sit and be still and notice the sun setting quietly while the clouds stirred and toiled above.  Very much like my life...but beautiful still.


Needed this reminder today.   Shelbie had her transfusion.   Didn't go as well as usual.   She ended up with a lovely reaction about noon.   Had to stop things so, as a result, didn't get home until after 8pm!  
       A long, and very unproductive day.  Hospitals zap my energy and make me realize just how very tired I am.  How very stressed I am and how very annoyed I am with some people these days!  
       Sometimes, I wish I didn't have to live the kind of life that offers up no other choice than to be strong.  Sometimes, I wish I had options like other people...someone to help carry the load, share a meal with, sit on the porch, visit places that only exist in dreams I once had ...nope, that's not my burden. My life took a different road.  I wish I was more content with it, but I'm not.  It's hard.  It is what it is.  We just seem to keep slogging through the day to day. Tired. Hopeful...a little bit at least.

The Learning Curve

I've learned an awful lot about myself over the past 6 weeks.

I have learned that I really am human.  Imagine that.  ME?? HUMAN??

I have learned that there is no end to the number of trials one person or a family can have. I'm not exactly sure why that is or how it can be.

In 5 weeks, I have undergone major surgery with 4 solid weeks of vertigo, withstood a flash flood, lost two major jobs, made a trip to Seattle Children's, went on a job interview to Afton, went on a job interview to Jackson Hole, had some kid drama, had some family drama, had my life threatened and worked 13 part time jobs...and still, just for the record, my darn ear is still bleeding inside!  All of that in 5 weeks!!  It's a bit crazy if you ask me. Tomorrow...transfusion day!  Another long hospital day.

In all of this, I have learned that I just can't do it all.  Out of necessity, I have had to say NO to a few things. It's been really hard to do that.  On top of the stress of daily livin…

Time Travel

Last night, Shelbie and I watched a time traveling movie, About Time.

The men in one family were able to travel through time, the gift was disclosed to the young man on his 21st birthday.  So the whole movie is about this ability to travel through time.  After some years, his father finds out he has cancer and sits his son down for one more family secret.  The secret is that he could and should, live each day twice.  Live it the first time as it unfolds but then travel back and live it again, this time without all the angst of the day and observe each moment.

How great would that be?  If you could really live the hard days over again, knowing full well it all works out in the end!  I can't imagine how much easier and joyful life would be.

I got to wondering, even though it isn't possible to time travel, is it possible to get through the day the first time, without worry?  In theory it is.  It's called Faith.  Living in the moment.  Getting your Zen on!

I wish I was bett…