Resignation
This week has been brought to us by the letter R and the word Resignation.
We began the week with flooding. More stinking flooding! Mother Nature has forgotten all about moderation. I spent over 2 hours out in the pouring, freezing rain; lightening and thunder on top of me, bailing water from the window wells and digging up my backyard. I dug trenches to redirect the water. I found this long hose, 3" in diameter, that I attached to my downspout and laid it in a trench that led to the back of my yard. Also that night, I dug up a huge tree because I couldn't get to the source of the leak into the basement unless the tree was out of my way. That left me with a massive hole so...I had to hike down the street to a pile of dirt I noticed and filled up three wheelbarrow loads to fill in the hole. Keep in mind...it's pouring rain the entire time! My wheelbarrow had a flat tire so I was literally pulling a wheelbarrow filled with mud! Bleh!
At the time, I didn't really care about the secondary landscaping disaster I was creating but, in the light of day...it overwhelmed me! It's such a horrific mess back there, I just want to soak it in gasoline and light it up! Done!
I finally came to the point, even after all my work to remedy the problem that this week, with rain everyday, we were going to be wet, and stay wet. Resignation. Just deciding that in my head seemed to make it all more manageable. At least we made it through. Yesterday, I went out again, in the mud and re-caulked and glued all the windows! After that, we were dry...mostly. Drier anyways.
The other part of the week had to do with Shelbie...still not 100% back to her normally poor health! That's sad that we can no longer get to normal health, just normal poor health! She is dizzy, and keeps falling down for no reason. Her blood pressure is low but not low enough...or so they say. I have taken her in twice because not only is the dizziness a problem but she has been having chest pain and shortness of breath.
The last time I took her in, the doctor literally slumped down in his chair and said, "I just really can't help you anymore." Seriously? I have never been so frustrated! I couldn't take it so I just kept talking. I didn't want to hear him say that! I just wouldn't go down without a fight. When he left the room for a minute to give some instruction to the nurse for a referral to specialist in Utah, Shelbie got so mad at me!
"Stop talking! Just stop talking. We look like idiots! He is clearly overwhelmed and isn't going to help us." Then she started crying!
You know...it's a grand problem to deal with. At what point do you run up the white flag and stop going from doctor to doctor who seem to have the luxury of giving up when the going gets tough? This is our second blow in 6 weeks as far as losing doctors. In theory, it sounds reasonable to stop looking for answers, at least until the next weird symptom and they are crying and falling apart and asking what is wrong and if they're going to die and being so completely overwhelmed with life that you...start the process of doctor hopping all over again. Doing something, no matter how futile is better than doing nothing...or so it seems.
So, it's resignation...I'm in a place where I realize I can't change what is happening to Shelbie. Either it will get better or it won't. Either she will live, or she won't. It's not at all fun and we are in uncharted waters and really hoping it doesn't swallow us all up!
We began the week with flooding. More stinking flooding! Mother Nature has forgotten all about moderation. I spent over 2 hours out in the pouring, freezing rain; lightening and thunder on top of me, bailing water from the window wells and digging up my backyard. I dug trenches to redirect the water. I found this long hose, 3" in diameter, that I attached to my downspout and laid it in a trench that led to the back of my yard. Also that night, I dug up a huge tree because I couldn't get to the source of the leak into the basement unless the tree was out of my way. That left me with a massive hole so...I had to hike down the street to a pile of dirt I noticed and filled up three wheelbarrow loads to fill in the hole. Keep in mind...it's pouring rain the entire time! My wheelbarrow had a flat tire so I was literally pulling a wheelbarrow filled with mud! Bleh!
At the time, I didn't really care about the secondary landscaping disaster I was creating but, in the light of day...it overwhelmed me! It's such a horrific mess back there, I just want to soak it in gasoline and light it up! Done!
I finally came to the point, even after all my work to remedy the problem that this week, with rain everyday, we were going to be wet, and stay wet. Resignation. Just deciding that in my head seemed to make it all more manageable. At least we made it through. Yesterday, I went out again, in the mud and re-caulked and glued all the windows! After that, we were dry...mostly. Drier anyways.
The other part of the week had to do with Shelbie...still not 100% back to her normally poor health! That's sad that we can no longer get to normal health, just normal poor health! She is dizzy, and keeps falling down for no reason. Her blood pressure is low but not low enough...or so they say. I have taken her in twice because not only is the dizziness a problem but she has been having chest pain and shortness of breath.
The last time I took her in, the doctor literally slumped down in his chair and said, "I just really can't help you anymore." Seriously? I have never been so frustrated! I couldn't take it so I just kept talking. I didn't want to hear him say that! I just wouldn't go down without a fight. When he left the room for a minute to give some instruction to the nurse for a referral to specialist in Utah, Shelbie got so mad at me!
"Stop talking! Just stop talking. We look like idiots! He is clearly overwhelmed and isn't going to help us." Then she started crying!
You know...it's a grand problem to deal with. At what point do you run up the white flag and stop going from doctor to doctor who seem to have the luxury of giving up when the going gets tough? This is our second blow in 6 weeks as far as losing doctors. In theory, it sounds reasonable to stop looking for answers, at least until the next weird symptom and they are crying and falling apart and asking what is wrong and if they're going to die and being so completely overwhelmed with life that you...start the process of doctor hopping all over again. Doing something, no matter how futile is better than doing nothing...or so it seems.
So, it's resignation...I'm in a place where I realize I can't change what is happening to Shelbie. Either it will get better or it won't. Either she will live, or she won't. It's not at all fun and we are in uncharted waters and really hoping it doesn't swallow us all up!
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