The Learning Curve
I've learned an awful lot about myself over the past 6 weeks.
I have learned that I really am human. Imagine that. ME?? HUMAN??
I have learned that there is no end to the number of trials one person or a family can have. I'm not exactly sure why that is or how it can be.
In 5 weeks, I have undergone major surgery with 4 solid weeks of vertigo, withstood a flash flood, lost two major jobs, made a trip to Seattle Children's, went on a job interview to Afton, went on a job interview to Jackson Hole, had some kid drama, had some family drama, had my life threatened and worked 13 part time jobs...and still, just for the record, my darn ear is still bleeding inside! All of that in 5 weeks!! It's a bit crazy if you ask me. Tomorrow...transfusion day! Another long hospital day.
In all of this, I have learned that I just can't do it all. Out of necessity, I have had to say NO to a few things. It's been really hard to do that. On top of the stress of daily living, I live with guilt for not being everything to everyone! I've let some people down, faced their disappointment and still lived! Nothing horrible and awful happened when I said NO. It's a pretty radical way to think for me. It's been totally necessary. I had to ask to be released from my church calling in Primary. It seems to be the little things that mow me over with the cutting edges of 'overwhelm'.
I've also learned a lot about prayer, my relationship with God, my relationship with people around me and my relationship with myself.
I've learned that I'm starting to see parts of me that I'm really not sure I like. For instance, I care less about things than I use to. I care less about what people think of me. I care less about leaving my house. I care less about people I use to care a lot about. If I cared less for reasons that made sense, like to keep a healthy boundary then maybe it would be okay but mostly I care less because I just could careless.
Shelbie has some really crummy friends. I mean, really crummy! The epitome of bottom dwellers. I use to bend over backwards to make them feel comfortable in my home, be their friend, make them food and all the while, they would stab Shelbie in the back repeatedly. With everything going on lately, I just said 'forget it'. I stopped trying to pretend to like people I really can't stand to be around or have in my home. When they come, I no longer meet them at the door with a smile and warm cookies, I just retreat to my room and wait until they are gone until I surface. Sometimes, it feels very empowering and free to do that but then I feel bad for being so cranky.
I'm not exactly sure where this meandering post is going...I guess it's all to say, I am learning some valuable things about life and myself. Things I'm proud about and things...not so much!
I have learned that I really am human. Imagine that. ME?? HUMAN??
I have learned that there is no end to the number of trials one person or a family can have. I'm not exactly sure why that is or how it can be.
In 5 weeks, I have undergone major surgery with 4 solid weeks of vertigo, withstood a flash flood, lost two major jobs, made a trip to Seattle Children's, went on a job interview to Afton, went on a job interview to Jackson Hole, had some kid drama, had some family drama, had my life threatened and worked 13 part time jobs...and still, just for the record, my darn ear is still bleeding inside! All of that in 5 weeks!! It's a bit crazy if you ask me. Tomorrow...transfusion day! Another long hospital day.
In all of this, I have learned that I just can't do it all. Out of necessity, I have had to say NO to a few things. It's been really hard to do that. On top of the stress of daily living, I live with guilt for not being everything to everyone! I've let some people down, faced their disappointment and still lived! Nothing horrible and awful happened when I said NO. It's a pretty radical way to think for me. It's been totally necessary. I had to ask to be released from my church calling in Primary. It seems to be the little things that mow me over with the cutting edges of 'overwhelm'.
I've also learned a lot about prayer, my relationship with God, my relationship with people around me and my relationship with myself.
I've learned that I'm starting to see parts of me that I'm really not sure I like. For instance, I care less about things than I use to. I care less about what people think of me. I care less about leaving my house. I care less about people I use to care a lot about. If I cared less for reasons that made sense, like to keep a healthy boundary then maybe it would be okay but mostly I care less because I just could careless.
Shelbie has some really crummy friends. I mean, really crummy! The epitome of bottom dwellers. I use to bend over backwards to make them feel comfortable in my home, be their friend, make them food and all the while, they would stab Shelbie in the back repeatedly. With everything going on lately, I just said 'forget it'. I stopped trying to pretend to like people I really can't stand to be around or have in my home. When they come, I no longer meet them at the door with a smile and warm cookies, I just retreat to my room and wait until they are gone until I surface. Sometimes, it feels very empowering and free to do that but then I feel bad for being so cranky.
I'm not exactly sure where this meandering post is going...I guess it's all to say, I am learning some valuable things about life and myself. Things I'm proud about and things...not so much!
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