Skip to main content


Showing posts from September, 2016

Wonders Among You

I was reminded in some reading I did recently of the scripture in Joshua when he said to his discouraged people...

                      "Sanctify yourselves; for tomorrow, the Lord will do wonders among you."

I realized, after some thought and pondering that I cling to this hope more than I recognized.  There are days, a lot of days, even most days, when all I see is the lousy world in which we live and exhausting effort it takes to live in this lousy world, it's hard to see anything better coming tomorrow.

So, I try to see the wonders of the day.  Sometimes, the wonder I find is lame but it's a start.

But this week, I am in wonder at my kids.  Shelbie is doing a remarkable job with her photography.  She truly has a gift.  People call her the baby whisperer because she is so amazing with all her newborns.   She has been really busy this month and books up weeks and weeks in advance.

Spencer has been working to get his videography business going and so far so good.  …

You know you should be asleep if...

Spencer had his procedure done on Friday morning.  It all seemed a little odd in a surreal kind of way.

We sat in the waiting room of the Cardiovascular Center at the University Hospital and the nurse came to take him back.  I was surprised that I wasn't allowed to go with him.  I think because everyone I talked to about this, made it sound like it really wasn't a big deal.

I hated sitting there watching him disappear at the end of the corridor.  This place, I realized, stirs up some pretty traumatic emotions.  Everyone is really nice but I really hate being here.  There is a gentleman that works at the front desk checking people in; I think I need to add him to our Christmas card list because he sees us coming and waves like he's part of the family now!

I'm not sure if something was amiss for Spencer's procedure or if we have a different definition of 'no big deal.'  He was awake for this procedure as well, with just lidocaine  to numb him up.

Here's h…

Little Bits of Blessings

We made it to Salt Lake tonight after a crazy drive!  It's been a long time since I have driven in such a horrible storm for nearly three solid hours!  The rain was coming down in sheets and  the wind was driving it across the highway in gale force, gusts.  Lightening surrounded us.  Bolts of lightening drilled into the ground in groups of 3-5 bolts, while others dashed across the sky above us.  The flashes of light against the moonless sky was blinding.  At times, I couldn't even see the lines in on the highway that were quickly drowning as the road turned to river and I lost traction several times.  I tried to follow the tail lights of the car in front of me but they were headed off the road so I hugged the rumble strip and held the steering wheel just a little tighter.

Sheesh!  That was the longest, horrible drive EVER!

      This week has turned out better than I anticipated.  Sam's procedure to remove his toenail for the second time went alright.  The doctor…

Tune My Heart

On our way home from Salt Lake on Friday night, Spencer finally closed his eyes and slept.  For the first time ever, on a long drive home, there was no sound in the car, not even the radio.  There was nothing to drowned and distract my thoughts.

I had a lot of time to be still and stay with the feelings that rolled over me in complete and utter overwhelm.  I had a thought or two about our situation, I mean, different from my usual report of being bone, soul tired.

I had this thought a couple of months ago but I remembered it again as I was driving.  We are certainly in a situation that is, in every way, shape and form, beyond our control.  I know this is a truth but still, there are days I wonder if even God has control of things going on down here for us. He does.  I know he does but my weak, human side sometimes wonders. 
This year, as hard as God has been trying to teach me this principle, I've been fighting him all the way.  

I have absolutely no interest in living this life a…

The week in review...

I was thinking...

Who decided that a mother sets the tone for the family?  How is this even fair?

I guess this was the whiny me thinking this.  Maybe it would be different if I had a significant other to share this load with, some tag team player so that when I needed to tap out, someone else could step in.

The past week was painfully difficult, it was just one setback after another.  Spencer and I left for Salt Lake on Thursday night and drove straight to our hotel and crashed. We had spent the morning doing testing at the local hospital and that in itself took nearly three hours.

Friday morning, we arrived early for his bone marrow biopsy.  The nurse told me the day before that if we were 15 minutes early we were late.  So, we got there a full hour before his appointed time and waited an hour and a half!  We had a nice visit with an elderly man in the waiting room.

When we got in the room where the biopsy was to take place, it quickly became evident that he would actually be wid…

The Invisible Woman

This post was going to be about my almost perfect day!  I was going to spend an hour or more talking about Saturday when Spencer and I ran away to Bannack State Park in Montana.

I was going to say how happy it felt to be in the middle of nowhere walking through a completely abandoned town that was once a flurry of life during the late 1800's and the Gold Rush.

History stood still and if you were quiet, you could hear the walls, whispering promised secrets of the people who lived there.  The floors bowed and groaned under pressure from the intriguing stories the walls were built upon over the years since it had been forgotten. And Grasshopper creek looked more like it should be named Coffee Creek as it crept along in deep rich tones of gold and copper and birds hid in the tall grass and my world was quiet and still and worries floated down the creek and around the bend from where I stood.

And, I would have spent a dozen paragraphs in thought about how wonderful it was to see Spen…

Life is fair

A year ago today...we got a brand new Maverick gas station at the end of our street.  It's the only gas station we frequent now and by frequent, I mean, we are there every day!  We are gas station junkies...what can I say.

Anyhow, there was always one lady that seemed like she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders and she kind of showed it with a permanent scowl on her face.  No matter how friendly any one of us tried to be, she didn't care to smile.  She was actually kind of frightening! And grumpy.

Shelbie always complained about this lady and her attitude but one day, Shelbie decided to just try to ask her a question and get to know her better because maybe...she had a good reason for being a grouch.  So that is exactly what she did.

Long story short...We have become good friends, in fact, we even put her on the Christmas list last year and you would have thought we had given her a cruise to the Bahamas!

Early this year, when Shelbie got sick, this lady noticed…

Happy Birthday Spencer

Yesterday, the 8th, was Spencer's 22 birthday!

Without a doubt this was one monumental birthday as far as I was concerned, I mean, given what we have faced with his heart this past month.  I had all sorts of feelings and emotions on Thursday but didn't let them get the better of me.  I wanted to feel happy and blessed that we were celebrating another year.

It brings me great joy to make a fun birthday cake for my family and friends who have become like family.  I could never do it as a job or be hired out because that feels less fun to me.  I try to think about their personality and create something meaningful for them.  Sometimes, they give me input and help plan the details but sometimes they don't.

Spencer had no clue what he wanted and all along, I had planned to make a giant deli sandwich like one he had on his Make A Wish trip.  It was enormous and he was in hoagie heaven eating it!  At the last minute, I decided it made way more sense to make a skiing cake since h…

Club Med...Booked

Today, I booked Club Med for all of us to getaway to...

Oh wait, no I didn't...That was the Neuro-Opthalmologist I booked a visit with!

This secretary though, she wins some kind of award.  I was super impressed because at one point, I really thought we were booking something fun!

She began with the usual questions like, "So, is this just a basic visit?"  As if everybody books out time with a Neuro-Opthalmologist.

'Hmmmm, what should we do today kids?  Who wants to go see the Neuro-Opthalmologist? Yay!!!"

" I guess, I mean, he has been having some issues." I actually said.
"Okay, what sort of issues?"
"Oh, he loses his vision for no apparent reason.  He chills for an hour or so and it eventually comes back." I said,
"Oh Gosh!  Okay, this just started?"
"No!  It's been going on about 3 years.  Maybe 4.  It's not bad.  As long as he isn't driving when it happens."

She laughed..."You are just now wond…

These three...

Monday, Spencer was feeling much better.  Shelbie was feeling alright and Sam was awesome.  They all got up and ready to go to the State Fair with their Dad and little sister.

They all looked so good and so happy, I couldn't let the photo op slip by.  In one moment, for a brief second, I looked at them and caught my second wind just a bit.  I know that people have endless reasons to judge me and have given words to their off the wall thoughts about me. Contrary to the popular belief... I care about them and care for them and will make any sacrifice necessary to see that they have the best life possible and a chance to experience a dream or two. They are fighters and they keep going regardless of what comes their way.  I hope they see their own goodness.

I didn't offer them much in the way of healthy genes but they are good looking kids- though I'm pretty sure they didn't get it from me either, just a luck of the draw I think!  But, like I always say, It's better t…

Same Hurt, Different Heart

I love the lyrics from the song Merry Go Round by Kacey Musgraves

It's not like this is the first time I am realizing that everyone hurts, it's just that it's the first time the thought has impacted me so much.

Yesterday, I listened to more than one person in different venues tell of how absolutely alone they felt in their heartache.  I think it is becoming an epidemic.  While we can't know everyone's heartache and we can't fix the heartaches we do know about, we can certainly try harder to offer a little more understanding and love and a little less criticism, advice and judgment.

We can't possibly know what it feels like to be someone else.  We can't possibly say what we would do given the very same set of circumstances so it does no good to do anything but meet them where they are at.  Sometimes, especially when there are no possible human efforts to fix a situation, just showing up to the front door of someone's life to witness their journey …


UNANTICIPATED...This is a fabulous word.  I love it and it so wonderfully describes my life.

Not one thing I anticipated in life has actually happened.  Around every turn, in every chapter and era of life, I have been surprised at what I got instead of what I wanted.  I'm still reading Clayton Christensen's book, How Will You Measure Your Life?, he uses this word in terms of "unanticipated alternatives."  When something different takes the place of what was expected.

I expected to have a pretty normal life.   I expected that it would follow some prescribed course according to all the great expectations you find yourself surrounded by just because you live in this world.  It's a world of abundance where anything is possible.  Most people bank on the anything possible part with a generous portion of hope and accept nothing less than great things.

I didn't anticipate that today, I would feel so disheveled and distant from myself and others.
I didn't anticipa…

Hide and Seek

I'm a huge fan of sugar!  I love sugar in all its various forms- straight up, pure, unadulterated, cane sugar, the 'herbal' natural sugars and even the sugar substitutes.  Corn that too! Sugar makes everything better! I love to sugar coat my life.

I have made sugar coating my life an art form really...I've been doing it for decades and it really has worked out well.  It worked especially well when my kids got sick when they were little, when I could still manage their life for them and everything was made better with ice cream, match box cars and new barbie dolls.

Until recently...

I avoid writing because I have seemingly run out of sweet things to say.  I have lost my perspective and I have had to come to the uncomfortable conclusion that life for this little weary family is hard and even bitter- I would be happy saying it is bittersweet because even a little bittersweet isn't bad.

The low blows are happening at alarming rates.  There are blessings t…