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Showing posts from December, 2017

Blow by Blow

I often think of my younger self...  The little girl who couldn't even face to visit my sister in the hospital when she had her tonsils out.  I was terrified of hospitals and pretty certain in my little messed up head, that she was facing imminent death.  I just knew the following week, I would be attending her funeral.  I hated the fact that people got sick and had no tolerance for hospitals.  Obviously, she didn't die from a tonsillectomy!

Had I been told back then, that I would be doing what I do now, there is no way I would have believed you and more than likely, it would have made me think twice about starting a family...let alone get married.  But, I'm glad I had my children.  I wouldn't go back and change that, but still, there is no way I would have been able to believe that living a life like this was possible.

There are some mornings, I still don't know how I will get through the day.  These kinds of mornings happen more often than not.

The week of Christ…

Finding Christmas

I'm back.  I had to retreat from my life for a couple of weeks.

We've been struggling and things have been really hard.  I had no idea how to write anything inspirational that seemed fitting for the season so I didn't.  There has been a lot transpiring in our little messed up lives the past two weeks and I'll get to that in the next post.

Christmas was different for me this year.  The kids were gone to Utah for the week.  When they use to spend Christmas with their dad, he lived a mile away so they bounced home for a couple of hours to open presents with me, they back to their dad's.  This year, I was alone.  I had lots of plans in the works for how I would spend it, but in the end, they all fell apart and I stayed home alone, which, was actually what needed to happen, for many reasons.  I have simply been exhausted beyond exhaustion and the past two weeks I was completely overwhelmed.  I spent several days in quiet, isolation just trying to find my way back to bei…

Last Surgery Done

Well, our last surgery for 2017 is in the books and that's a wrap!  At least for now.  It was not without it's frustrations today and fearful moments last night.

It's always amazing how much you can see the hand of God when you're paying attention.

I had intended to stay in a hotel on Sunday night rather than staying in Provo with Spencer.  His dad lives 10 minutes from his apartment so the plan was that he would swing by Monday morning and pick him up.  I had this gnawing feeling that I really should stay with Spencer so, that is what I did.  Sunday night was going okay.  He got 32 ounces of the colon cleanse stuff down within an hour and we just watched movies the remainder of the evening.  He was doing fine.

At about 11, we decided to call it a day and he insisted that I sleep in his bed and he would sleep on the couch.  His roommate had surgery last week so he is home recovering with his parents so it was just Spencer and I.  I didn't fall asleep until just af…

What If...

I'm in Provo tonight with Spencer.  Tomorrow morning, before the sun wrings out the last of the dark night, he will be checking in for surgery at the University of Utah Medical Center; hopefully our last procedure of 2017 and the one we have waited three months for.   He was home for a couple of days for a wedding gig he was hired to do back in February, so I followed him back this morning and stayed at his apartment for moral support while he does his surgery prep.

For 4 hours, I had some time to wander around my head while Christmas music looped through the speakers of the car, more white noise than anything.   But, the line of a song I've never heard, caught my attention.   In it, a line, something like this..."What if Jesus got what he deserved?"

 There'd be no manger, no Wise Men,  no gifts, no Shepherds, no Angels, no star of wonder and light, no goodwill, no peace at this time of the year; peace this world so desperately needs... In other words, for the Pr…

Not enough keepers

This is the best thing I've heard all week...

"It's a Zoo out there and there aren't enough Keepers."  It perfectly describes the mess we have found ourselves in.

Insurance.  It's going to send me to an early grave, there's no doubt about it.  It's an impossible problem to which I can see no answer.   It's become my full time job.

The saga continues over the insurance mess my Wasband managed to get us in.  I know he had good intentions...but that doesn't change the fact that it's a mess.  You know it's a disaster when The State of Idaho and Health and Welfare say, "Oh may God bless you."  Sadly, this has not brought out the best in either of us.  Wednesday, I spent 30 minutes in a heated discussion with my Wasband over what to do.   I can't talk to him anymore about this.  I literally get dizzy and feel like I'm going to pass out when we have to discuss this.

He wants a solution with a guarantee.  That does not exist.…


I've been trying to figure out a way to tighten the belt of the family budget and that's a tough one.  We live in a very simple way and don't really need a lot to be happy.  There is one area that drives me crazy...all the time.  Satellite TV.  What a waste of money so when I announced to this tribe of mine that TV was going the way of the Dodo bird, there was a small uprising.  So, I bargained with them that I would buy Apple TV, Netflix and Hulu and still save myself over a $100 every month.

On Black Friday, as promised, I bought Apple TV.  I brought it home and put the boys in charge of disconnecting the Satellite and connecting Apple TV.  While they did that, I jumped on the computer to cancel Satellite service.  I figured I would do it online because I was all peopled out for the day and it was probably easier online.

So, nope.  Not easier.  I've had the same service for 8 years so I couldn't remember my log in information.  I got locked out of the account so …

PET scans and CAT scans

We are a fine many tests, so little time.

I got Shelbie's PET scan results back yesterday as well as her Tilt Table test from September.  It was not favorable news.   For starters though, her granuloma tumor in her brain remains stable.  The temporal left lobe, cerebellar and the hippocampus are all 10% smaller than the rest of her brain.  There is mild hypometabolic activity.  This is not good news.  This is showing a quite a slowing down in those parts of the brain, the parts that are pretty important for memory, mobility, balance and some other vital functions.  In some ways, this supports the epilepsy diagnosis and shows the brain damage that has occurred from 25 years of seizures.

She has an increase in a protein that controls blood clotting and can contribute to an increase in strokes.  This is interesting since they ruled the 'stroke' to be a seizure but now, we are back could have been a stroke or two she had, not seizures.  The PET scan also show…

Secret Santa

We had the surprise of a lifetime on Friday morning.  I was expecting a meeting with some clients who were coming to the house to go over house plans.  Just before the time they were suppose to arrive, I ended up on a phone call from my doctor's nurse who was giving me further instructions for more kidney testing today.  In the middle of that, I heard Shelbie shriek from the front room, "MOM!! You better get out here!"  No sooner did she say that but the doorbell rang.

I practically hung up on the nurse and hurried to the front room.  I opened the door and saw this sight!

 So many friends on my front walk as well as two news cameras and some other news people.  It was a local news station- East Idaho News.  Every December, they help a Secret Santa give away $100,000.  This year he doubled the amount to give away.  We happened to be one of the lucky families.   I was absolutely stunned and shocked and immediately humbled.

With the news team and friends, was the up and com…

How Quickly It Falls Apart

Believe me when I can not have a moment or two of enlightenment that isn't directly followed by the very extreme opposite.  I knew this was coming and here we are.

This day completely fell apart and my life just got exponentially more difficult and I can't even believe it.

I have been getting phone calls over the past few days from healthcare providers asking me to send them insurance information.  In addition to phone calls, I have received two letters stating the same thing.  Until today, they didn't say specifically what the problem was and it's a mess.  I even had a billing clerk from the University of Utah say, "God bless you because you just fell into the biggest insurance mess I have ever seen."

That's reassuring. 

Here's the short of it.  My Wasband thought he was being helpful and put our kids on his wife's insurance policy.  It's against the law, if you are in the healthcare exchange to have a secondary insurance policy.  I…