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Showing posts from May, 2014

Reflections

Yesterday was a long and busy day.  Today will be even longer since it is transfusion day!

I rolled out of bed this morning, after 5 restless hours of sleep, extra early to make cookies!  Yes, cookies, because what else is there to do at 5 am?  I submit that there isn't a better early morning activity! ;)  Chocolate chip cookies are just a great reminder that all is well with the world!

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and for a few seconds, caught a glimpse of the deep wrinkles settling in comfortably around my very tired eyes!  I rarely pause in front of a mirror for any length of time because all I see are all the things I hate, but for a moment, I stood there with those wrinkles but today, they were a kind reminder of where I've been.  I realized I have complimentary wrinkles...the little ones around my eyes from a lot of crying but the bigger ones around my mouth from ear to ear grins.

I can't say that I have entirely enjoyed my life...I haven't entirely h…

True North

This weekend, I took a little drive to Canada.  Just a little drive...like an 18 hour round trip little drive.

I did great on the way there but the way home...I was so tired!  I was tired the second I sat down in the driver's seat.

Of course, we never go home without stocking up on the essentials:

Ketchup Chips
Popcorn Twists
Eatmore Bars
Big Turk
MacIntosh Toffee
Kinder Eggs
Nibs
Lime Crush....the list goes on but I'm a little embarrassed to continue listing it all. The trunk was full!  The best treat of all were the Timbits from Tim Horton's!

I promised Sam a box of Timbits, which I purchased but...because I was so darn tired, I needed something to keep me awake and they were just so handy to eat!

I kept eating, and eating and eating and sleeping... sleeping  driving!  It was terrible!  I finally had to move the Timbits to the trunk so I actually had something to give Sam when we got home, plus all that sugar was freaking out my body!

From there, I switched to Nibs.  …

The Makings of Crazy

One thing about chronic illness is it pretty much makes you crazy, among other things but crazy is the thing that stands out this week.

So, there those results sit on a desk not far from here.  I have been through just about every emotion in the past 6 months as we have waited.  Among all the feelings was the underlying pull of denial.  Denial really messes with you.  If you indulge in denial for too long, you begin to lose sight of what is real and everything actually appears just fine.  Denial has a friend doubt and doubt messes up all the sense that denial tried to make out of a situation.  You second guess everyone, everything and most of all you second guess yourself.  Your understanding of things becomes based on doubt and denial and that just creates a big mess.

I have gone from loving our doctors to hating them.  I have gone from feeling like driving all night to get to Seattle to get the news, to not really caring if I ever hear the news and then back to wanting to drive all …

Cool and Collected

I am attempting to be cool and collected...it's a lot harder than one would think.





Genetic tests are back.
Sitting on a desk like the next guy's CBC test that is all normal.

Just sitting there.

It's not normal...in so many ways, the test marks all sorts of fatal abnormalities...this is not normal.  Or maybe it is.

Maybe, it is normal to get a call saying they have found the Golden Ticket.  The thing that is making your kids sick every day for 22 years and then wait 6 months to confirm what they already know, and confirmed multiple times in a lab in Seattle, I'm sure.  And then, I'm sure it's completely normal to make the family, who just shelled out thousands, upon thousands of dollars, wait to hear the clinical test results, not when they come in, but after they drive 14 hours to sit in a hospital for 1 hour.  It's completely normal!

But there they sit...on a desk...an 8 min drive from my house...a 15 min bike ride...a 25 minute walk...one hour if I craw…

16 and Sam!

Sam is officially 16 years old!  Good times...Here is a little montage of my favorite pics of this sweetheart through the years...









Tonight, we will have just a little time the three of us but his big shin dig will be on Saturday at his Dad's.  I won't be able to attend because of awkward divorce stuff but I know he's going to have a great time!   His dad and I have worked together with his happiness in mind.

So, this birthday means Sam is free to dazzle the women with his good looks and charm!  I don't allow the kids to date until they are 16.  He missed Prom by 3 days!  He never complained once and made the most of his Saturday even though most of his friends were at Prom.  He is a great boy.  Very considerate and tries to be easy going even when he doesn't like the rules.

I have been quizzing him on how to treat a lady and I think he is doing a good job.

What Sam doesn't know....Is that he can't take a girl out until he has taken me out!!!  When he takes …

My Missionary

We were so excited to Skype with Elder Spencer Goff!


We were all crammed in around my phone...I have yet to figure out how to get him on the big screen so we can all see better...maybe by Christmas I'll be smarter.

Anyhow...he is doing so well!  Without a doubt, he is happier than I have seen him.  He is more confident and more humble.  I love how he has changed and grown.  He still has that great sense of humor we miss so much.  I was trying to ask him serious questions and slowly, he would start sliding off the screen.  I looked back to see Shelbie was doing the same thing!  They were mimicking each other and goofing around.  I didn't mind so much, it was good for Shelbie to re-connect with him.

We didn't get to talk for very long.  Just like everything else in divorce, we had to split the time he was allowed between me and the wasband.  That stinks...He called us last so it was kind of short.  But still...it's all good.

Spencer just refuses to complain about anyt…

Cupcakes and Mustaches and Freudian Slips

Sam turns 16 next week!  All of Sam's friends had big parties for their 16th birthday.  I have typically offered that deal to Spencer and Shelbie when they turned 16 but Shelbie had no friends, so no party.  Spencer was having surgery on his birthday and then spent two weeks in pain on the sofa so no real party to speak of then either.

Sam...he has friends and I don't expect him to have anything major come up so, we are having a party.

I arranged with the Wasband to have the party at his house since it's much bigger and he has a way nicer yard with all sorts of fun things to do.  I figured it would be pretty laid back and the kids would just hang out, play some outdoor games, roast a hot dog and that would be it.

I went to Walmart to grab some invitations but all they had there that were remotely acceptable were these...

Nothing special but I didn't really think a 16 year old would pay much attention to it and none of his friends even had invitations...  I set them …

Just wondering...

I have had a lot running through this hollow mind of mine.  This week has been a week of thinkin'.

My good friend's husband passed away this week.  We aren't the kind of friends who call every day.  We don't hang out on the weekends, or go to events together.  We don't even really share the same interests. She is one of those rare friends who I allowed to view my raw and uncut life from within an arms length.

 A couple of days after I lost my job, she came by.  I was laying on my bed sobbing and she came and sat with me. (one of the very rare times I didn't even attempt to pull myself together with a fake shimmer of happiness) She just sat there. She didn't say one single word for what felt like a really long time. She instinctively knew that my sadness wasn't about the job, it was so much more! I didn't even have to explain that!  Even when she spoke, she didn't fill up the space with clever adages or cliches.  She met me where I was and just …

Chit Chat

Today, while I was cleaning, I got a text from Shelbie saying she was going to get her nails done.

When I was jobless, I use to go with her when she got her nails done and we would look at magazines, chit chat and what not.

After I finished the second house, I decided to just surprise her at the salon.  She has been having a bit of a hard time lately and has a lot of worries so I thought she would be happy I just showed up!  She loves it when I take time out of my day for her.  Lately, I haven't been very good at spending much down time with the kids.

We were talking while she sat under the curing lights and the only other person in there, came to sit across from us.

She said, "I think it's sweet you catch up with each other at the nail salon.  You must be pretty busy if this is the only time you can talk."

"Ya, we're weird.  I just saw her a few short hours ago."
"You did?" the lady asked.
"Yep, we live together.  You can never have …

Spring

For the first time in 4 years, we all have a bike to ride...thanks to Direct TV! 
Yep, Direct TV made a series of errors with my account and so to beg my forgiveness, they sent me a $100 gift card.  My 20 year old bike fell apart a few years ago so I've been without one.  When the kids said they really wanted to have family rides...I decided to use the gift card to get a new bike!  
I found a bargain at Walmart for less than $100.  It's not awesome but it works and we had a great time!

This weather has been nearly perfect!  Just the right temperature!