Cool and Collected

I am attempting to be cool and collected...it's a lot harder than one would think.





Genetic tests are back.


Sitting on a desk like the next guy's CBC test that is all normal.

Just sitting there.

It's not normal...in so many ways, the test marks all sorts of fatal abnormalities...this is not normal.  Or maybe it is.

Maybe, it is normal to get a call saying they have found the Golden Ticket.  The thing that is making your kids sick every day for 22 years and then wait 6 months to confirm what they already know, and confirmed multiple times in a lab in Seattle, I'm sure.  And then, I'm sure it's completely normal to make the family, who just shelled out thousands, upon thousands of dollars, wait to hear the clinical test results, not when they come in, but after they drive 14 hours to sit in a hospital for 1 hour.  It's completely normal!

But there they sit...on a desk...an 8 min drive from my house...a 15 min bike ride...a 25 minute walk...one hour if I crawl...but I have to drive 14 hours before I get to hear the final word.

The final word.

This is it.  No more grey area.  No more wondering.  No more denial. This paints a -not- so- abstract picture of how it might end.


While I sit here, trying to remain cool and collected, graceful under pressure,  I will be watching a little girl on her way to celebrate life with Make A Wish, just two weeks before she undergoes and very precarious bone marrow transplant in an attempt to save her.  She is running out of time, not leukemia, not myelodysplasia but telomeres that are suppose to be protecting her chromosomes are getting shorter and shorter.  The shorter they are, the more difficult transplant is.  Her's are very short.  My kids' telomeres are also very short.

All this little girl wants is to live.  She wants her mom to promise her that this is going to work.  Wouldn't it be nice if a mother's promise was binding to the Universe?  That the broken body of her little one could be cured at her command?  But it isn't and it's probably for the best that a mother doesn't command that much power...God has a plan, its in His power and like this mom said to her daughter '...whatever happens, you will be made well.'  It's true, but it's still hard.


I need to remember that today.  God has a plan for us too...he has a plan for those results that are sitting.  Just sitting. Waiting for someone to pay attention; someone to consider how uncool and uncollected this is and has been from where I stand, not to mention where my kids stand. I have to trust in God's timing too...so, here's to being-

Cool and Collected!

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Comments

  1. Why the H$@@ can't it be a conference call with you and the dr's in Seattle and the office where they sit?!

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