Let's take a minute to remember last year...Last year Shelbie was in the hospital following a significant stroke. She was in Huntsman's Cancer Hospital for 10 days. Needless to say, Sam was at home holding down the fort and when the night of Halloween came, he left this note, stapled to a moldy pumpkin on the front step. I didn't find it until several days into November.
I love that he wrote it on hospital stationary too! I still laugh about that. This year, I was prepared! But...no one was home to hand out candy. I was in Salt Lake at the hospital and the other two were working.
Monday night, we had the cousins over for pumpkin carving. I am still wickedly sick so I didn't participate but I did manage a picture. These kids love hanging out. They all look so happy and for the evening they were!
|India, Chase, Taylor, Kayli, Yoletzi, Connor, Michelle, Sam and Shelbie|
Because of that and trying to keep normal things in our difficult lives, I didn't leave for Utah until early this morning. I was up at 3:15 am after a lovely 2 hour nap.
The thing about the early morning hours, you get to witness the sun rising. It's so dark when the moon has set, just before dawn. Even the stars seem dull but then slowly, the sky fills with the brightest colors that give way to drenching light and that is only something you can witness for yourself.
There are always lots of police at the hospital so it didn't seem out of the ordinary this morning when we got there. Every time we are there, something crazy goes down. Last Tuesday, when Spencer passed out after surgery and I fled the room, I ran down 8 flights of stairs and hid in my favorite bathroom stall where I seem to go when I am breaking down. When I was pulling myself together, two women came in and started a fist fight. They were screaming and yelling and shouting the vilest words at each other. You could hear bodies hitting the stalls and feel them shake. One of the ladies had a walker and she was throwing that around like a heavyweight wrestler. The place terrifies me half the time. The only redeeming thing about the hospital are the volunteers that play the grand piano during the day.
Anyways...we didn't get shot today so there's that...I mean, it's a good day when you don't get shot.
Spencer is a star around the cardiovascular center. I seriously can't handle hearing one more person tell him how impressed they are to see him walking around. I think just about everyone in the department has seen the Loop Recorder data when his heart stopped. Surely they've seen people die everyday from cardiac arrest and come back so I'm not completely sure what makes Spencer any different or special to get all this attention. Just to be clear, I haven't asked for the full report so I'm in the dark as to what they really saw and how really serious this was. And then when they realize it's me there again after just doing this with Sam...things get crazy.
Today, nurse Polly said, "Wow! You have your hands full with these kids." Then she turned to Spencer, "Are you giving your mom trouble?"
"Well, ya, she does have her hands full. No lazy days for this girl!" was his response and then we all laughed nervously because I was so close to tears all the day long.
Spencer is having a lot of tachycardia now- his heart rate is going too fast! That kind of explains the dizziness and feeling like he is going to pass out. They made some adjustments to the pacemaker settings and they want him to record every dizzy spell with the internal loop recorder so they can monitor him closely this next week and try to figure out what is happening.
Just like Sam, he is having a really hard time adjusting to the new pace, especially at night. He was having over 1200 episodes of heart rates in the 30's when he would sleep prior to surgery. Now his heart rate is double so his body thinks he should be up and going. I could tell today he is very restless!! and maybe a little anxious too. His pacemaker is literally keeping him alive at night. That is when it does the most work for him. His heart gets so dangerously low at night. It is working about 25% of the time to keep a good pace during the day.
I couldn't believe how bad his rash is from the betadine they used during surgery. Hives over hives. Again, the nurse couldn't believe how bad it was. She even asked to take pictures so she could show the doctor. He has some steroid creams now and they took out the stitches and bandages so now he just has to deal with Steristrips for 4 more weeks.
When we were through, I took him for a late lunch and kissed him goodbye. He was sick after lunch and I had a fever again so we didn't waste much time. Thankfully, his roommate drove him which saved me an extra two hours of driving time.
All in all, we are managing but not well. I'm trying to be patient with the process of falling apart so we can put ourselves back together again someday soon.