Tough Day

Today was a tough infusion day!  I had I high hopes, I mean really high hopes that chemo today would go off without a hitch.  They did tell us that each time it should get better and faster as her body receives the medication more willingly. I also had high hopes that last weeks over the top counts meant remission and we would continue to see great, untethered progress.  Unfortunately, that was not the case today.  What was I thinking anyways?  My kids never stick to what the textbook says and things are never really as they seem.  My next tactic is to buy those darn textbooks and make them read each wordy page so they will know how to behave next time!  I will have them write out a hundred times, "I will be a textbook!" (just kidding...)

So, Shelbie had weird reactions today.  The IV Benedryl that they give her as a pre med didn't knock her out like it was suppose to and always has, it caused her to have violent, involuntary jerking motions.  It was scary and funny all at the same time.  There was nothing they could do to make her comfortable.  The other medications like Zofran and Ativan made her so sleepy but the adverse reaction she was having to Benedryl left her in this strange stooper, super groggy but revved up at the same time.  Because she couldn't sleep through it today and in fact was up and down all morning from the recliner, she had to suffer through the nausea, pain, congestion, and everything else she felt the first time. To top it all off, her platelets took a huge drop from the 100 we have been seeing.  She is treading back in the danger zone so that was an enormous disappointment!  I can't even tell you how sad I felt.

It was just an off day at chemo.  Everyone having infusions today went through crying jags and I tell you, my heart broke into a million pieces, a million times over.  I HATE seeing people sad, scared, hurt, worried, lonely, anxious....ughhh, I can't handle it, it makes me crazy inside!  Matt, the gentleman with brain cancer was back to today to sing and play his guitar and the whole room wept when he sang his song by Ricky Skaggs- Somebody's Praying.

As I looked around at the women sitting there,(they were all women today) and set my gaze upon their faces I couldn't help but wonder if they were crying because they feel alone, as if no one is praying for them or if they knew that so many people really are hoping and praying.  I hope they were feeling some love and peace from God and could feel that at that moment, I was praying for them, each one of them.  I was praying for Shelbie, Spencer and Sam...I guess I was praying for me too.... Life is hard sometimes isn't it?  It's hard but it goes on no matter what and God is good! 



  1. I'm sorry to hear that yesterday was a rough day. Reading about Shelbie and the challenges you face as a mother makes me feel like my "worries" are so insignificant. I was having a sob story yesterday about the idea of moving my baby to another room to sleep while your "baby" was receiving Chemo. My heart goes out to you and your family. Even in amidst of a trials, you testify of God and His goodness. Thank you for being an example for me and for showing me what a mother's love is all about.

    (And I think you are right. What is the hurry about me moving Jaden. I'm going to cherish every second.)

  2. Kat, I have been reading your blog for a few days now. Your family seems strong, but my gosh, how much can you take? I think this would be at the top of trial list-watching your kids suffer. Good luck to you and Shelbie!


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