Wishful thinking

The hardest part about this blog is coming up with blog titles that aren't repetitive.  It seems that lately, we are living a real life "Groundhog Day" just like the movie with Bill Murray. 
     Anyways, I just had this feeling that maybe all this waiting around without answers was because she would go into spontaneous remission and no treatment would be necessary.  Well, that was not the case so it was a bit of bummer.  Her platelets are dropping fast.  She didn't get much of a bump anyways from the last infusion but now she is at 16.  Her white cells and red cells are low as well.  When all three blood lines drop it is called Pancytopenia.  It's not a good thing. 
     We continue to stay hopeful though it is work, really hard work and it's tiring as well.  Sometimes, the fear comes in waves and we just have to acknowledge it, feel it and move on.  So far this tactic is working.  The timing of all this is very interesting.  We just finished up the SDS video and video taped her talk for the big fundraiser this coming weekend in Seattle.  Shelbie and our Hematologist/Oncologist in Seattle are the guest speakers for the fundraiser.  It will be just another reminder to the doctors in attendance that lives are changed and deeply affected by diseases like SDS and ITP. 
      I can't imagine that it will be too much longer that we will have to wait to have a plan.  Her platelets will more than likely keep dropping and by mid week or weekend, she will be in single digits again.  We will be forced to make a decision.  In the meantime, I have been studying hard to find all the possible options I can for treatment plans.  I still hold on to the hope that she will go into remission before things get bad.  I don't see how I can't not hope for things to turn around but this kind of thinking does set me up for disappointment. 
     This week should prove to be quite interesting.  I am eager to see how things unfold, well, maybe anxious would better describe my feelings.


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