The Saga Continues

Overwhelmed!  That word is often overused by me, so in my effort to be creative, I guess you could also say I am crushed, conquered, defeated, deluged, engulfed, overcome, smothered, submerged and swamped!  Pick one, it will accurately describe the last 24 hours of our life. 
       After the long discussion, we felt resolved that Shelbie would start the chemotherapy agent Rituxamin to help bring her ITP into remission.  As of this morning, things have taken a complete opposite direction and we are back to square one!  Rituxamin was taken off the table for now because no one took into consideration what that would do to her immune system that is already very sick.  The doctor this morning said that "If she gets any kind of infection while on Rituxamin, she will die."  Now we are back to choosing between one crappy option and a crappier option.  Sorry about the fabulous english.  "Crappy" was a better alternative to other word choices I can think of.
       I don't know what the answer is but as I stood in my thinking place this morning, the shower, I was flooded with all sorts of thoughts.   Experiences came to my mind of ways we have been prepared over the last 8 months for this very moment.  Blessings and tender mercies abound but I have been so consumed with fatigue, fear and even moments of despair that I couldn't see them.   We are so blessed or, I guess you could say we are favored, fortunate, joyful, lucky, content, beautified, rewarded and saved.  Shelbie, Spencer and Samuel will be saved regardless of how their bodies break down, our family will be saved. 
      Almost a year ago, I became involved with our neighbors, an older couple.  I have always been friends with them but that friendship became much deeper as I served them and helped them with the difficulties of their life and they served me back.  I have always felt like their presence in my life was a blessing but that blessing appeared even brighter this morning.  The wife of this special couple passed away last week, I have mentioned that already in previous posts.  At her funeral, they spoke of a heart condition she had had some time ago.  Because of her other health conditions, they could not operate to remove the blockage.  All she could do was receive a priesthood blessing and have faith. Somehow, her body created new paths for the blood to move.   I don't know how long ago that was but she was able to accomplish great things in her life before moving on to eternity.  That thought brought me so much peace this morning.  Maybe it doesn't matter which treatment we choose.  Regardless of the consequences of each option, God will make things right until it is her time to die.
      I think what is more important than making the right choice, we need to have faith and hope in our choice, not look back, seize the moments that bring us joy and move forward into the darkest of dark times. I have also learned that every person we meet on this journey, everything we experience is there for our learning and our good.  I can see now that everything is as it should be except the chaos.  I need to focus on keeping the despair and fear at bay so that God can put His meaning on the work He is doing in our lives.


  1. I hope they find something that will make her feel better! If she's still up at the hospital and you need to get out for a bit I can come up if she doesn't want to be left alone.


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