Indescribable

This has been the longest day ever!!  Things just seemed to go from bad to worse.  After two calls to the On Call Doc, she was not doing better and in fact, things had gotten worse.  She started with a fever late afternoon which is why I called the second time.  It was around 5pm.  Her face was still super red and getting swollen.  Her breathing was better but she still felt incredibly weak. The On Call Doc had said that I could wait a bit or even split the dose up.  None of this was sitting well with me, I didn't feel good about giving her the second dose at all! 
      I tried to keep busy so I wasn't worrying and getting all worked up.  I made two loaves of banana bread, mini pizzas for the boys and then teriyaki chicken, steamed vegetables and rice, all within about 2 hours so, ya, a little insane. Meanwhile, Shelbie is restless and feeling horrible. 
      Surprisingly, at 6:30 the phone rang.  It was Dr. Shimamura from Seattle!  I about dropped the phone I was so surprised.   She said Shelbie had been on her mind all afternoon and wanted to check in on her before the weekend.  I explained what had been going on all day and she felt strongly that I needed to stop the medication for today.  Steroids can mask an infection and the fact that her white count is so low and she is running a fever is not a good sign.  That is not a typical response even with a high dose like she is on.  She also said that the flushing, patchy rash was suspicious and if it continued, I needed to take her to the ER.  I felt a little better after talking to her.  At least I felt like that was validation for me to not give her the second dose. 
      We did avoid the ER...so far.  Her fever has stayed pretty stable, her breathing is better. Her face is still pretty red but doesn't seem to be as bad and the swelling is down so I am taking the wait and see approach.  I hate moments like this when I have make hard decisions.  I just don't trust myself.  
      It's all so disappointing.  What else can I say.  I know chemo won't be any better and could very well be worse.  If we can't get her platelets up with the steroid, she won't be able to have the minor surgery to place the Pic line in order to start chemo....It's so hard.  I guess we will try again tomorrow if things have settled down. 

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