Is It Better To Know?
So, these are my thoughts over the last 12 hours. Is it better to know what you are dealing with and will be dealing with in the future or is ignorance really the blissful state we like to pretend it is?
I'm really torn on what is best. I want to know what is causing all the rare problems my kids deal with on a daily basis that just seem to get worse but yesterday was so overwhelming. I spent a total of about 3 hours conferencing with nurses and Social Workers in Seattle just making sure everything is co ordinated and they are ready for three sick kids and one frazzled mother to ascend upon their quiet little exam rooms at Seattle Children's.
By the time I finished all the co ordination, reality was, well, REAL!! I was spent emotionally. I can see the pieces that they are all trying to fit together and it's a scary picture. The Mitochondrial nurse and doctor asked so many questions about me and my mom. She alluded to the fact that I will need to begin the mito testing as well but the doctor will go over that with me when we are there.
There is a big part of me that wonders if we should just let life take it's ugly course and treat things the best we can as they come. Ahhhh...so upsetting. On the other hand, the things they discover by studying my family could mean a better life for the kids and others and that makes all this worth it. On the other hand...well, you get the picture, I could go on forever with this hand and that but it won't make this coming month any easier.
I have two goals right now...stay in this moment, doing the needful thing and not let my mind and my anxiety get ahead of myself as I worry about how to get the kids through all these tests with the least amount of fear and anxiety. Two, I need to be super organized with lists of each child's symptoms, current diagnosis, medications as well as family history of health issues and my own. It's going to take a big spread sheet and a lot of time to do that. We only have about 3-4 hours with each specialist and that is never enough time so I have to make the most of it. Focus...that's the name of this crazy game!
I'm really torn on what is best. I want to know what is causing all the rare problems my kids deal with on a daily basis that just seem to get worse but yesterday was so overwhelming. I spent a total of about 3 hours conferencing with nurses and Social Workers in Seattle just making sure everything is co ordinated and they are ready for three sick kids and one frazzled mother to ascend upon their quiet little exam rooms at Seattle Children's.
By the time I finished all the co ordination, reality was, well, REAL!! I was spent emotionally. I can see the pieces that they are all trying to fit together and it's a scary picture. The Mitochondrial nurse and doctor asked so many questions about me and my mom. She alluded to the fact that I will need to begin the mito testing as well but the doctor will go over that with me when we are there.
There is a big part of me that wonders if we should just let life take it's ugly course and treat things the best we can as they come. Ahhhh...so upsetting. On the other hand, the things they discover by studying my family could mean a better life for the kids and others and that makes all this worth it. On the other hand...well, you get the picture, I could go on forever with this hand and that but it won't make this coming month any easier.
I have two goals right now...stay in this moment, doing the needful thing and not let my mind and my anxiety get ahead of myself as I worry about how to get the kids through all these tests with the least amount of fear and anxiety. Two, I need to be super organized with lists of each child's symptoms, current diagnosis, medications as well as family history of health issues and my own. It's going to take a big spread sheet and a lot of time to do that. We only have about 3-4 hours with each specialist and that is never enough time so I have to make the most of it. Focus...that's the name of this crazy game!
I've always wondered where the title of this blog came from and I just read the scriptures you have listed on your blog and figured it out. Great scriptures! I can see how they have given you comfort. I don't know the answer to your question in this post, but I guess God knows everything and he will reveal to you what you need to know.
ReplyDeleteI hope all goes well in Seattle! Keep being an amazing mom!