It's all in your tone
Sometimes, I hesitate to speak poorly about doctors because, well I have many friends who are medical providers and not all doctors are annoying and for the most part, I am very happy with all the providers we currently have and I have a good working relationship with them most of the time. There is one that I sometimes butt heads with but we are learning each other's 'style' so it's coming.
Yesterday, my friend had some "critical questions" to ask her Oncologist and wanted to see him and though she didn't tell me exactly what her questions were, I am pretty sure she wanted the reassurance that her pending death would happen swiftly and pain free. I think she is a little scared as well and just needs to know what the final hour will be like. I discussed the dilemma with her two best friends and decided that we needed to call the after hours number and get in touch with her doctor to let him know of her request. I was delegated to do that since I actually know him.
I made the call and explained that she had some critical questions for him and had requested that he come to the home to visit with her. Apparently, the two are very good friends. She made a comment earlier in the week that at every office visit, he would give her a kiss on the cheek because he thought of her as his mother. Sweet, but after my conversation with him, I couldn't feel of his caring regard for her.
He said he just didn't have time and "what's her biggest problem?"
"Her biggest problem? It could be the fact that she can't breathe well, has had a nosebleed for 30 hours, she has a horrible cough...really, the biggest problem is that she is dying."
"Well, it's an ugly, ugly, ugly cancer, what do you want me to do about that?"
"I don't know, I'm just making the call because she doesn't have the energy or breath to speak to you herself on the phone and she has some concerns."
"Well, I'm pretty busy and maybe sometime next week I can make time for her."
"She won't be here next week. Thanks anyways." then I slammed the phone down and all the ladies in the room fixed their eyes upon mine.
Let me preface by saying, I know doctors are busy, especially this doctor and I know that he probably doesn't have time to be making house calls but surely there could have been a better way of addressing this phone call than what he did. He could have said, "I am so sorry, she is struggling. This is going to get so much more difficult and I wish I could make it easier but we don't have many options left. She is such a sweet lady and it's such a sad situation. I am sure she has so many concerns, let me look at my schedule on Monday and see when I could work this out. Perhaps I could call the Hospice nurse tonight and give her some ideas of making her more comfortable." but he didn't. Instead, he was basically obnoxious.
We all would have been grateful for a response like that. Sometimes, it's how you say something that makes all the difference. To him, this is just another text book cancer. He knows all about it, he knows how it will end. She just wants to be heard yet that seems like too much to ask after my conversation with her doctor.
Somehow, some doctors have become calloused, uncaring and uncommunicative. It's a frustrating problem and it seems harder and harder to find good doctors with old fashioned values.
Yesterday, my friend had some "critical questions" to ask her Oncologist and wanted to see him and though she didn't tell me exactly what her questions were, I am pretty sure she wanted the reassurance that her pending death would happen swiftly and pain free. I think she is a little scared as well and just needs to know what the final hour will be like. I discussed the dilemma with her two best friends and decided that we needed to call the after hours number and get in touch with her doctor to let him know of her request. I was delegated to do that since I actually know him.
I made the call and explained that she had some critical questions for him and had requested that he come to the home to visit with her. Apparently, the two are very good friends. She made a comment earlier in the week that at every office visit, he would give her a kiss on the cheek because he thought of her as his mother. Sweet, but after my conversation with him, I couldn't feel of his caring regard for her.
He said he just didn't have time and "what's her biggest problem?"
"Her biggest problem? It could be the fact that she can't breathe well, has had a nosebleed for 30 hours, she has a horrible cough...really, the biggest problem is that she is dying."
"Well, it's an ugly, ugly, ugly cancer, what do you want me to do about that?"
"I don't know, I'm just making the call because she doesn't have the energy or breath to speak to you herself on the phone and she has some concerns."
"Well, I'm pretty busy and maybe sometime next week I can make time for her."
"She won't be here next week. Thanks anyways." then I slammed the phone down and all the ladies in the room fixed their eyes upon mine.
Let me preface by saying, I know doctors are busy, especially this doctor and I know that he probably doesn't have time to be making house calls but surely there could have been a better way of addressing this phone call than what he did. He could have said, "I am so sorry, she is struggling. This is going to get so much more difficult and I wish I could make it easier but we don't have many options left. She is such a sweet lady and it's such a sad situation. I am sure she has so many concerns, let me look at my schedule on Monday and see when I could work this out. Perhaps I could call the Hospice nurse tonight and give her some ideas of making her more comfortable." but he didn't. Instead, he was basically obnoxious.
We all would have been grateful for a response like that. Sometimes, it's how you say something that makes all the difference. To him, this is just another text book cancer. He knows all about it, he knows how it will end. She just wants to be heard yet that seems like too much to ask after my conversation with her doctor.
Somehow, some doctors have become calloused, uncaring and uncommunicative. It's a frustrating problem and it seems harder and harder to find good doctors with old fashioned values.
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