The Stages of Grief
I'm not sure who to give credit to on this little diagram but I believe, they should receive some Nobel Peace Prize or something of that nature! This is shear genius! Finally, someone actually came up with a picture to illustrate most of what is happening in my head on any given day!
This diagram should be taught in every Institution offering any medical related class. It should be hung, larger than life from the rafters. No one should be able to practice medicine until they understand this concept.
If doctors understood how the stages of grief really work...they wouldn't have to medicate patients until they can no longer feel their toes. They would see that their bipolar, extreme thought patterns, racing mind, disconnected thoughts, word finding problems, are completely normal under the circumstances and are natural brain patterns for chronic caregivers...or caregivers for the chronic...either way works.
This diagram also saves me a whole lot of time and energy spent in trying to appear completely normal. I will no longer tell myself I am nuttier than a fruitcake, poster child for mental illness, crazy or that Alzheimer's is setting in prematurely. I mean, look at this illustration; is it any wonder I get lost in my thoughts?
I can see now, how I have a hard time remembering my dad's name. It's there, my brain is just trying to retrieve it from bouncing between 'emotional outbursts' and 'isolation'.
This is such a huge relief to me! I thought I was losing my mind but it's all there! It's just organized a little differently than yours or how it was before...before I had kids...before when I was normal...or something resembling normal. It's a little more of a freestyle pattern of storing information rather than the boring arc where you move from one expected, blah feeling to the next; it has no surprises!! You know what feeling is coming next and you have ample time to prepare for it, especially if you are ready to move on from where you are stuck. And that begs the question....
Where. Is. The. Fun. In. That?
So, tomorrow is going to be a lot better now that I am armed with this information. I will stop trying to numb myself with boxes of Swedish Fish and Dark Lindor Truffles. I am going to stop volunteering to fill up all my friend's cars with gas just so I can linger a little longer with the fumes from the gas pump. I don't want to kill one brain cell working so hard for me! I will also retire my collection of permanent markers and poster making hobby. I am going to embrace this new way of thinking! I will remain engaged as I excitedly experience laughing and crying simultaneously! I'm really so excited to move on from mental illness. No more pity parties for this girl!! I'm a new woman! Watch out world...My kids are going to be so thrilled they don't have to eat chocolate glazed donuts with mashed potatoes for dinner anymore cause I got it together now!
Alrighty...In other news around here..we are back to square one! How exciting! I thought we were getting ahead of ourselves there for a minute but nope...still on square one! Spencer's cultures came back positive for Salmonella...still. Again. Still...I guess. Not one thing we did in the hospital or at home made any difference whatsoever! How thrilling to think that he has been suffering with this for 22 days and only 5 of those days have contained anything resembling antibiotics! For the past 8 days...the bacteria has been continuing it's free for all in my son's gut!
So...more antibiotics only this time for 14 days! And...it's the antibiotic that C- Diff just adores so it will be super happy and start partying probably tomorrow in Spencer's lower GI tract. And I do want to add this...Spencer is such a gracious host to not bother the bacteria while they have their heyday.
I think I'll just leave it at this for now. I need to go add a couple more entries to the grief process. They forgot sarcasm as a stage of grief. And my sarcasm right now is about to collide with panic and possibly 're-entry troubles' so I'm gonna sit back and enjoy the show. Sorry you're going to miss that!