Hard and Bad
Is there a difference between these two sentences...'It's really hard.' or 'It's really bad.'
I have often said, "Life is hard right now.", "We are struggling." I have even been known to say..."Life sucks!" However, I have never said, "Life is bad." Ever.
This week, I ran into a friend at the store and she asked about the kids. Well, the kids have had a rough week. We have been in and out of the hospital, Sam has a badly sprained finger, nausea, vision loss off and on and to top it all off, I have been a really crummy mom without an ounce of patience... so...it's been hard. Well, I told her, "It's been a tough week." She politely asked in what way so I proceeded to tell her. Honestly, to her, it probably just sounded like word vomit. To me, it was probably word vomit too, but for some unknown reason...I keep trying to find validation and understanding and part of me thinks, if I use enough words, at some point it will make sense. It never does...
Anyways, my friend said, "Doesn't anything good ever happen?"
That started the whole train of thought...To me, that sentence implied that my life must be bad; if it's never good...
My life isn't bad. It's not about bad or good things. It's about hard things and that doesn't mean there aren't easy and good things in my life too.
My friend Damen, the young man who received a new liver last week had a really bad day recently. He was in all sorts of uncontrolled pain and he sort of just snapped. I'm sure he wasn't thrilled with his level of frustration but seriously...he has endured so much!!! He has been sick, really sick for a year or more! There were some who needed to remind him that he shouldn't act that way, he should be grateful he got a liver. I don't think for one single minute that a moment of fatigue and frustration ever made him appreciate the liver less than he should have. I was a little miffed that people couldn't just support him in is fear and sadness at that moment. Who knows all the emotions he was dealing with...Someone died for him...He can only be going through some intense feelings and maybe those feelings come all at once and what is a person to do in this circumstance?
Then, I had a friend who has a little boy with all sorts of problems, including bone marrow failure, post an update on Facebook saying she was done with this trial of faith but she added, her son is a trooper and happy despite all the setbacks. Again, a few people jumped all over her, accusing her of blaming God when really it was the devil causing these problems. She wasn't blaming God at all...just needing a little reprieve.
Again...I had to consider what all this meant. There was a lesson to be learned this week and I was determined to learn it. Then, I remembered this video I saw several months ago. Watch it...it will change your life...maybe not now, but someday, you will need this.
So, I started thinking about the words..."It's suppose to be hard." Another phrase I have thought about is "I never said it would be easy..."
If we truly want to be disciples of Christ, it's going to require some work. Hard. Work.
If you are going to ask me about the HARD things in my life; like a disease that is stealing away the quality of life for my kids...you are going to get hard answers. An answer that may be raw and full of emotion depending on the day and the level of fatigue. The answer will most certainly be rough and possibly scrape your ears as the words pass through and that will make you feel awkward and overwhelmed.
I could apologize for that and I could make sure each syllable gets a fair coating of sugar to make the words sound sweeter but those days are over. I'm done pretending it's easy when it's really not. It's hard.
But...Here's what I learned today!
I have often said, "Life is hard right now.", "We are struggling." I have even been known to say..."Life sucks!" However, I have never said, "Life is bad." Ever.
This week, I ran into a friend at the store and she asked about the kids. Well, the kids have had a rough week. We have been in and out of the hospital, Sam has a badly sprained finger, nausea, vision loss off and on and to top it all off, I have been a really crummy mom without an ounce of patience... so...it's been hard. Well, I told her, "It's been a tough week." She politely asked in what way so I proceeded to tell her. Honestly, to her, it probably just sounded like word vomit. To me, it was probably word vomit too, but for some unknown reason...I keep trying to find validation and understanding and part of me thinks, if I use enough words, at some point it will make sense. It never does...
Anyways, my friend said, "Doesn't anything good ever happen?"
That started the whole train of thought...To me, that sentence implied that my life must be bad; if it's never good...
My life isn't bad. It's not about bad or good things. It's about hard things and that doesn't mean there aren't easy and good things in my life too.
My friend Damen, the young man who received a new liver last week had a really bad day recently. He was in all sorts of uncontrolled pain and he sort of just snapped. I'm sure he wasn't thrilled with his level of frustration but seriously...he has endured so much!!! He has been sick, really sick for a year or more! There were some who needed to remind him that he shouldn't act that way, he should be grateful he got a liver. I don't think for one single minute that a moment of fatigue and frustration ever made him appreciate the liver less than he should have. I was a little miffed that people couldn't just support him in is fear and sadness at that moment. Who knows all the emotions he was dealing with...Someone died for him...He can only be going through some intense feelings and maybe those feelings come all at once and what is a person to do in this circumstance?
Then, I had a friend who has a little boy with all sorts of problems, including bone marrow failure, post an update on Facebook saying she was done with this trial of faith but she added, her son is a trooper and happy despite all the setbacks. Again, a few people jumped all over her, accusing her of blaming God when really it was the devil causing these problems. She wasn't blaming God at all...just needing a little reprieve.
Again...I had to consider what all this meant. There was a lesson to be learned this week and I was determined to learn it. Then, I remembered this video I saw several months ago. Watch it...it will change your life...maybe not now, but someday, you will need this.
So, I started thinking about the words..."It's suppose to be hard." Another phrase I have thought about is "I never said it would be easy..."
If we truly want to be disciples of Christ, it's going to require some work. Hard. Work.
If you are going to ask me about the HARD things in my life; like a disease that is stealing away the quality of life for my kids...you are going to get hard answers. An answer that may be raw and full of emotion depending on the day and the level of fatigue. The answer will most certainly be rough and possibly scrape your ears as the words pass through and that will make you feel awkward and overwhelmed.
I could apologize for that and I could make sure each syllable gets a fair coating of sugar to make the words sound sweeter but those days are over. I'm done pretending it's easy when it's really not. It's hard.
But...Here's what I learned today!
- HARD doesn't mean BAD.
- Even GOOD things can be HARD
- A lot can be learned from HARD things...and that's GOOD
- I am growing more like my Savior in all these HARD things I have to face.
I think when conversations like I had this week happen, or when people who have struggled for so long and hard and stared down their own mortality, finally experience a moment of overwhelm...we label it as BAD. We assume they are handling the situation badly. We assume they have lost their hope, their faith, their gratitude, their trust in God...We make all sorts of judgments but do we acknowledge that maybe it's just hard?
Hard is good...it means we are growing and progressing!
HARD/ hard/: Arduous, strenuous, tiring, exhausting, wearying, grueling.
Diligently, industriously, steadily, struggle, with effort, painfully- great mental effort!
Yep...HARD pretty much describes my life. But, we tackle every day diligently, industriously, with effort despite the pain and the mental taxation.
BAD/bad/: Poor quality, inferior, defective, second rate, careless, miserable.
Not such as to be hoped for.
Well, it's true, I didn't hope to have a bad life. I don't have a bad life. I have never thought my family to be second rate. I have allowed people to make me feel inferior and defective but never have I come up with that thought on my own.
My life isn't bad. My days aren't filled with bad things. My kids aren't going through bad things.
Sometimes, I cry. I cry a lot, especially lately. Sometimes, I am exhausted and weary and tired. Sometimes, I am weak and don't think I can do one more thing. Sometimes, feeling weak makes me sad and sometimes, all the feelings and hard things come at once. Sometimes, what is required of me is arduous and strenuous, because...
My life is hard...And...That's Good. I am right where I am suppose to be, in the thick of discipleship.
Hard is good...it means we are growing and progressing!
HARD/ hard/: Arduous, strenuous, tiring, exhausting, wearying, grueling.
Diligently, industriously, steadily, struggle, with effort, painfully- great mental effort!
Yep...HARD pretty much describes my life. But, we tackle every day diligently, industriously, with effort despite the pain and the mental taxation.
BAD/bad/: Poor quality, inferior, defective, second rate, careless, miserable.
Not such as to be hoped for.
Well, it's true, I didn't hope to have a bad life. I don't have a bad life. I have never thought my family to be second rate. I have allowed people to make me feel inferior and defective but never have I come up with that thought on my own.
My life isn't bad. My days aren't filled with bad things. My kids aren't going through bad things.
Sometimes, I cry. I cry a lot, especially lately. Sometimes, I am exhausted and weary and tired. Sometimes, I am weak and don't think I can do one more thing. Sometimes, feeling weak makes me sad and sometimes, all the feelings and hard things come at once. Sometimes, what is required of me is arduous and strenuous, because...
My life is hard...And...That's Good. I am right where I am suppose to be, in the thick of discipleship.
Amen, Kathy, Amen.
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