The Fixer Upper
I recently had an epiphany.
I am a fixer upper. That is my official title I am giving myself...
Spencer wrote home this week and he is sick. This is the first time on his mission that he is "Sick for real!" If you know Spencer, you know he doesn't let much of anything get him down and he has to be really sick before he will stop to take a nap or rest or even disrupt his day with a doctor appointment.
The interesting thing is, on Sunday when I wrote him. I felt impressed to include in the last line, "I will be praying for your health and to overcome any obstacle that comes this week." I don't normally say that. So, when I found out that he really is sick, I wasn't super surprised. I know that Heavenly Father is going to watch over him because of the prompting I received.
This is my first time with him being gone that I realized there is nothing I can do. It's a pretty hard place to be considering I'm the fixer upper...the one that likes to fix everyone's problems including my own.
I also realized that I have been in this place for 6 months as we wait for the clinical testing to come back. I want to just fix it all before I hear the bad news. I have spent countless hours...I'm talking in the middle of the night hours, pouring over research articles, studies on diet and how it affects our body and the list goes on. I just want them fixed. I don't want to watch this progress.
This obsession has now spilled over to other people in my life and I am trying to fix them. Oddly enough, over the past week, I have had 3 or 4 people ask me to help them with their health dilemmas. These aren't even friends but mere acquaintances. That must be a tender mercy because I can channel my desire to fix things, on things that I can actually make a difference with, rather than a genetic disease that is going to run it's course no matter what.
So, rather than focusing on my own problems with few answers, I have been able to focus other, productive things and the research I have been doing is fascinating. That keeps me grounded and my mind from wandering away to dark places.
I read an article yesterday about a man who lost his 2 year old daughter. He had to find a way to make something good of the tragedy. You can read his story HERE. He writes one line that strikes a chord in me,
“The only way I can handle this powerlessness, I figure, is with the power to give someone else joy.” Larry Carroll.
That is a perfect line and exactly how I feel...powerless. All I can do is take what power I do have left and use it help others. So, if that means I can help a lady with her mother in law with Alzheimer's, or a friend with recurrent and chronic kidney stones, or the person with depression or anxiety or Juvenile Arthritis...then that is what I will do.
I am grateful for the blessing to be a fixer upper! Right now, it's saving my soul and really, if you think about it, nearly every problem in life can be solved by giving time and service to others.
I am a fixer upper. That is my official title I am giving myself...
Spencer wrote home this week and he is sick. This is the first time on his mission that he is "Sick for real!" If you know Spencer, you know he doesn't let much of anything get him down and he has to be really sick before he will stop to take a nap or rest or even disrupt his day with a doctor appointment.
The interesting thing is, on Sunday when I wrote him. I felt impressed to include in the last line, "I will be praying for your health and to overcome any obstacle that comes this week." I don't normally say that. So, when I found out that he really is sick, I wasn't super surprised. I know that Heavenly Father is going to watch over him because of the prompting I received.
This is my first time with him being gone that I realized there is nothing I can do. It's a pretty hard place to be considering I'm the fixer upper...the one that likes to fix everyone's problems including my own.
I also realized that I have been in this place for 6 months as we wait for the clinical testing to come back. I want to just fix it all before I hear the bad news. I have spent countless hours...I'm talking in the middle of the night hours, pouring over research articles, studies on diet and how it affects our body and the list goes on. I just want them fixed. I don't want to watch this progress.
This obsession has now spilled over to other people in my life and I am trying to fix them. Oddly enough, over the past week, I have had 3 or 4 people ask me to help them with their health dilemmas. These aren't even friends but mere acquaintances. That must be a tender mercy because I can channel my desire to fix things, on things that I can actually make a difference with, rather than a genetic disease that is going to run it's course no matter what.
So, rather than focusing on my own problems with few answers, I have been able to focus other, productive things and the research I have been doing is fascinating. That keeps me grounded and my mind from wandering away to dark places.
I read an article yesterday about a man who lost his 2 year old daughter. He had to find a way to make something good of the tragedy. You can read his story HERE. He writes one line that strikes a chord in me,
“The only way I can handle this powerlessness, I figure, is with the power to give someone else joy.” Larry Carroll.
That is a perfect line and exactly how I feel...powerless. All I can do is take what power I do have left and use it help others. So, if that means I can help a lady with her mother in law with Alzheimer's, or a friend with recurrent and chronic kidney stones, or the person with depression or anxiety or Juvenile Arthritis...then that is what I will do.
I am grateful for the blessing to be a fixer upper! Right now, it's saving my soul and really, if you think about it, nearly every problem in life can be solved by giving time and service to others.
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