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If Mamma Ain't Happy

If Mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Yep, it's true.

Today was a hard lesson in that and it's not like this is new information to me, I just really didn't care.

I can NOT sleep.  a couple of hours tops is about what I've been averaging the past month or so.  It makes for a very cranky me.

Top that off with the fact that it hit me today that we have all new insurance to deal with this year!

I spent nearly 3 hours on the phone fighting...again!  The reality of this makes me sick.

Here we sit in one of the most difficult health challenges in a long time, we are dead center in testing for Sam and honestly, things aren't looking good.  The more people I talk to, the more I find ourselves in deep water from a heart standpoint.  I had no idea things could get so scary so fast.

On the was brought to my attention that for the first time in EVER, we aren't orphans!  Research and funding for heart issues is the center of everyone's attention so if there was ever a health problem to have...Heart is it, next to breast cancer...Dyskeratosis Congenita, Mitochondrial Disease...Not so much!

So, long story short...we have to start over with both kids and getting all their testing and doctor visits re-approved through the crappy Medicaid we have.

This means...dragging both kids to our family doc to get a referral to doctors we have already been seeing for over a year.  We can't go back to the pulmonologist or cardiologist on Monday for Sam because Medicaid requires a referral and pre-authorization from our family provider.  Our family provider has no idea what is happening because my old insurance from 3 days ago, didn't require referrals to specialists so I just took them.

So, I have to schlep out there, get a referral, wait for pre-auth and honestly, that may never happen because....

Medicaid can't tell me for sure if they will cover it.

I asked three different people about our coverage and they all referred me to the website which said, "You may have a co-pay for..." and then listed just about every procedure and specialist.  I tried to get clarification on what this meant and when I would know if and how much a co-pay was and no one could tell me because they just make the rules up as you go!  That's really what they said...'It's just how it is.'

Tell does one take care of kids with chronic health problems on maybe's and mights?

Tell does one sleep at night when you don't know if your kids will actually be covered with health insurance because no one can give you a straight, honest answer?

This whole debacle doesn't just involve Sam.  I have to get referrals for Shelbie and our Oncologist, IVIG transfusions at $13,000 a month!  We already had that authorized for all of 2015 from Regence Blue Shield but not anymore.

Needless to say...I was not a happy camper.  Aside from worrying every second about what Sam is doing and if it's taxing his heart, to looking for a job because my employer has decided to stop paying me for the past three months, and fighting with insurance companies and trying to get all these appointments was really hard to find my happy place today.

It set the kids off.  By 11am we were all ripping each other's heads off.  Finally, one of them said, "Ya know, when you can't be happy, then neither can we!"
"Ya know what?  I take about three days out of the year to have a bad day!  Three days!  Today happens to be a really bad day!  You guys get bad days whenever you choose and I have to deal with DEAL with my bad day!"  And then I think I stomped off to my room for timeout and weeping and wailing!

I hate days like this!  Hate them!  I don't have them often, hardly ever but enough is enough!

I'm not even fit for being around people.

I know things will get better.  I know God will figure things out, and, in the end, it always works out.  I know, I know, I know...but in the mean time...I'm just plain tired and whiny and I'm kind of okay with that!



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