Tonight, starting my 6th job for the day, I decided to turn on Pandora, to the Pentatonix Holiday station, ya know, get a little Christmas cheer going despite this hard kind of week.
I listened to the usual Christmas line up; I'll be home for Christmas, Mary's Lullaby, The first noel. There were some contemporary tunes mixed in too. Each note gently dropped a little memory of past Christmas experiences into the front of my mind. I remembered all the ways we have been blessed.
Yesterday, while sitting at the hospital with Sam, the Wasband and I were discussing the insurance problem. Shelbie and Sam were both there. At one point, the conversation got a little emotional because it's just so overwhelming. It's big! So many things are just big. There aren't a lot of opportunities to talk with him face to face about our situation so this seemed as good as any.
Neither of us realized the impact this would have on our kids listening. Eventually, Shelbie started crying and apologized for being a burden and a problem. Oh man...who knew a broken heart could break anymore?
We both quickly corrected her perspective. Her and Sam just went off on a tirade about how nothing works out for us and everything is hard. I was frustrated too but somewhere, I found the wherewithal to ask them the most important question...
"Name one time, in the past 10 years that we have struggled since I got divorced, when God didn't show up; when we just fell flat on our face? Just one...one time it didn't work out in the end? Name one time you had to go without?"
Tick...Tock...the clock kept ticking away and neither one could come up with one time when it didn't work out. Albeit, it didn't work out until the very, very last millisecond but it worked out.
"You think God isn't here. You think He is the one creating all this trouble or at best, allowing it. Maybe he is but it doesn't matter. Either way, we signed up for a test and the test isn't done yet. Some days, we may feel less prepared and guess at the answers but we still end up passing. This is going to be no different. No one is a burden. You are all blessings! Every thought, every action, every decision and every sacrifice is made in the love I have for you. There is sense in all this suffering and somewhere, sometime, we will see the blessings."
I think they were okay after that. I thought about how today, Shelbie reached out on Facebook to try to see if anyone had an old car for sale that we could get for our dear homeless friend. She will ultimately buy it, but she has no idea where to look. We were just trying to facilitate that. She was moved and touched by the kindness shown by total strangers for a daughter of God. For today, she forgot about her own discomforts in life and that was a blessing. A little postcard from Heaven that God is here, here in our very home!
My thoughts were stalled a little when Pandora started playing I Know That My Redeemer Lives on a Contemporary Christmas Station. Never before had I considered that to be a Christmas song. As I listened to the words, I was reminded of the lesson I learned the night before...Believe in God.
What better time of the year to be reminded daily that God is in his Heaven, He is in our home. So blessed to have felt the spirit today in so many ways...Forget about the weary world...It calmed this weary mom! It was just the right amount of Christmas we needed today!
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