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Selfish

I'm sure you've heard me talk about my friend who has been homeless for over 25 years!

She has been without a car for 9 months now and back in town for about 3 months.  I have so enjoyed the past few weeks being able to spend more time with her.  Since she doesn't have a car, it's much easier to keep track of her and take care of her.

The double wide trailer was her home for a bit but last week, she was able to get an apartment that is subsidized by the government.  It's an okay place.  I've been going to visit her several times a week just to make sure she is doing okay and doesn't need anything.  On the weekends, I spend most the day Saturday with her.

Last weekend, we spent a couple of hours trying to find her a car.  I had mixed feelings about doing this.  For one thing, she doesn't have a valid driver's license and she is somewhat of a hazard on the road due to her hoarding disorder.  She has things piled to the roof that she can't see out of her windows.  Despite my hesitation, we looked and I continued to look this week.

Last Saturday, as I drove her home, I said, "Home Sweet Home."  She did not like that comment.  In fact, it upset her.  All she really wants is a car.  Living in a car is really all she's ever known.  A car is home to her. I should have respected that from the beginning.

Today, we were going to go out again and re-visit a van we saw last weekend.  After car shopping, we had made plans to go out for dinner.  She called me earlier to excitedly announce that she decided to buy the van we saw last week.  She had already paid for it  and was sitting in her parking lot of the apartment reading the owners manual.

I was expecting to share in her excitement but that was much harder than I thought it would be.  Having a car means she will leave again.  I have really grown to love and appreciate her.  She has a great sense of humor and tells the best stories from her life. I look forward to making her meals and keeping her company. She's not caught up in the things of the world.  She has nothing of worth or value and she doesn't care.  She's escaped the complications of 1st world living.  And best of all, she never says anything mean, hurtful or condescending to me.  I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not comfortable being.

When she called me to tell me about the van, I asked her if she would stay through Christmas.  She said she would.  I told her that I considered her to be one of my best friends and if she left, I would like it very much if she would stay in contact with me so I know where she is and that she is safe.  She said she would.  She told me she hasn't had any friends like me either!  That felt great.

I know I need to let her live the life she is happy living but boy, I wish it was here.  Sometimes, I have a literal reaction when I think about her being alone.   Oh well.  Here's to friends!


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