The Bind

Last week, I had to spend a large part of the day in the hospital.  Almost 5 hours of testing.  It wasn't fun as you can imagine.  Oh, I just realized, I never discussed the doctor's appointment prior to all these tests.

It's a very long story and by long, I mean, it would take three long blog posts to explain the details and who has time for that?   The short story is, I went to a new Specialist/Internist here in our lovely, too small of a town.  I had heard good things about him and he is fairly young so that usually means they are open minded and since nothing with us is standard and customary, I needed someone who was fresh and eager to learn and not afraid of unusual things.

I went very well prepared for the appointment.  I had a sheet of notes, well organized of concerns I had.  I told him when he came in that I had a 'laundry list' of issues and only wrote them down so I could keep it all straight and not forget anything.  He said, "Great."

Well, clearly it was not great and I barely got done with the history and touched on the genetic stuff with the kids, only because he asked and his mind was blown.  He even said, "I am just really overwhelmed right now with everything you are talking about."
"I understand.  It's a lot and it's stuff you don't likely deal with every day but I appreciate you listening and taking the time." I really tried to be kind.
Then, he just goes off like a rifle! His bedside manner totally flipped and his puny sized Ego came out and that was the end of logic and reason and then he was just sort of rude.  He basically shut down and didn't go any further.  He ordered this huge array of tests at the hospital and then said to come back on a Saturday to discuss the results.  Who goes to the doctor on a Saturday?

So, here's the bind.  I'm not going back to him!  I don't need some doctor flipping out and being rude when I'm paying HIM to help me.  I'm not there to stroke his ego and make life easy for him.  But, now I have all these test results sitting in his in box and I don't even want him to have one part of anything having to do with me.  He works in this big, multi doctor clinic and I dislike the majority of the docs there and they know it and have the same feelings towards me and now, they all have access to my results!  It's so maddening.

I know some of the tests were abnormal so I have to find a doctor who can pull my results from the hospital and get headed in the right direction to 'fix' it all.  So, it means more doctor visits.  I'm so sick of doctors.  They are so cranky when they have to deal with anything beyond text book stuff.

I was talking to a PA about my dilemma and he said I needed to go back to the Internist and apologize for being too smart and overwhelming him.  Really.  Apologize for being too smart; for knowing more than the average bear?  There was a day when I would have done just that but those days are long since over and I don't really care if someone is intimidated by me trying to advocate for myself or my kids.  That's a load of crap.

So, it's back to the drawing board and meanwhile...There are a bunch of test results awaiting some kind of resolve.



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