So, I was thinking...

You know, thinking is dangerous!  There should be a sticker on your brain that warns of the hazards that come with thinking.  I really shouldn't do it, but in an unguarded moment, I decided to do some thinking.  I know, scary!

So, I am pretty anxious about Samuel's upcoming surgery.  I am really worried that he is going to have a relapse of C-diff.  The last time he had surgery, C-diff almost killed the poor kid!  The doctor was just a few hours away from thinking he would have to tube feed him and life flight him to Boise!  It was a miracle that he pulled out of that but it wasn't until he had spent 2 weeks in the hospital and 6 weeks laying on an air mattress at home because everything had to be washed down several times a day with straight bleach!  I really don't have the energy to manage that again!

I am waiting on the insurance company to approve the surgery and then it will be done.  The doctor is hoping for later this week but I am thinking that realistically, it will be the middle of next week which means a new year, a new deductible.

We have a deductible and co insurance of $11,000.  I am estimating Sam's surgery to be somewhere around 40 or $50,000 though this is probably a low estimate.  Shelbie will have her plasma transfusion next week as well and that is another $15,000 or so and then I will buy our usual monthly prescriptions that average around $1600.  So, before the first week of January is even through, it is likely that we will have racked up a $67,000 medical bill!  Is there any part of this that sounds scary to you?  It terrifies me!

Just because the insurance company approves something isn't a guarantee they will actually pay it!  I worry everyday that for some odd reason, they will just stop paying and all this will be mine!  The deductible is bad enough.

When I start thinking about all this, I can't believe this is really happening to us!  It's unbelievable and overwhelming!  So, I've decided it's best not to think...about anything!