In the mess of Life...There's Grace
I've tried to get this post written for a couple of days but things have been busy around here and other things took priority.
I'm not even sure where to start. I guess I really want to focus on the little mercies and miracles I've seen. I talk a lot about the isolation that comes from the chronic trials and stress that we face. The past couple of weeks, I've mentioned about the little gifts and heartfelt cards of encouragement that have been showing up on my doorstep...it continues! I can't even believe it. I'm overwhelmed that it is still going on. It has made all the difference in how I have been able manage things. Isn't it funny how just the fact that someone is thinking of you, can change the perspective and thoughts of despair to an increase in confidence in your ability to keep going.
I wish I could really give an adequate thanks to those who have been so caring and thoughtful. It is something I will never forget and a great reminder that I too, can do more for others who are alone and isolated.
This week, I have had to get a handle on my insurance issue since the company I have been with has pulled out of the healthcare exchange. There are two things I feel powerless over and bring me so much anxiety I will go to any length to avoid it...money and health insurance. They both add to my impossible situation. My insurance guy bailed on me a year or so ago when he made some life changes and even though he stayed in the industry...I think, he turned my account over to someone else. They were actually clueless so any problems I had, I went straight to the help line at the exchange. I was really lost as to what to do now that I have to find a new carrier but that prayer was answered. I found a new insurance company to work with, turned all my stuff over to them and started working on a new plan.
Even though, I'm completely hosed for next year, he was so patient as I cried huge tears that puddled on the edge of his oversized desk. I've never been so embarrassed. He didn't try to silver line it...or say "At least..." He just let me have a moment til I could pull it together. I was so grateful that I had help to navigate things and he patiently explained for the umpteenth time, how deductibles and out of pocket max works because I am too tired to remember all these things. There is only one company that will cover the specialists we need and that is going to come at a price nearly 5 times in monthly premiums what I pay now! I'm pretty upset and don't have a clue how I will be able to pay it.
The same day, I found out my car insurance is going up by nearly $200 a month and the night before my health insurance meeting, I got a letter from the mortgage company saying they miscalculated my escrow when I refinanced a year ago so that's going up.
BUT...these little secret angels who have dropped thoughts along my way each night, have given me my second wind to face this with a renewed faith in the miracles that Heavenly Father can do on my behalf. This is how we roll...we will do what we've always done...we will watch and wait, do the needful things and see how it all comes together for a long term plan. It's interesting to me that all this happened the day after I was inspired to take one night off a week and give that income to someone else...who also needs the work. I'm a little excited to see what happens next in the saga, so stay tuned for January 2018.
IN the meantime, I have had some really amazing opportunities to help people this week. Helping people in much worse circumstances than me and I could see how many of my past experiences have prepared me to be there for them. The Lord is amazing and truly, all things do work for our good...and the good of others too.
Spencer came home this weekend...truly my kids are my currency of happiness! To each other, they are happiness. There was a moment when I was so happy and so proud of them as I watched them having fun with each other and smiling so big, even in the midst of our continuing difficulties.
When he arrived, the first thing he and Sam did was compare their scars and stories of recovery. We were all sitting in the kitchen and when they both lifted their shirts and I sat there looking at my boys with scars across their chest, I was overwhelmed with our story of where we are and how we got here. It was a moment for sure! One of unbelief.
Anyways...always a lot going on and never a break but such is life.
I'm not even sure where to start. I guess I really want to focus on the little mercies and miracles I've seen. I talk a lot about the isolation that comes from the chronic trials and stress that we face. The past couple of weeks, I've mentioned about the little gifts and heartfelt cards of encouragement that have been showing up on my doorstep...it continues! I can't even believe it. I'm overwhelmed that it is still going on. It has made all the difference in how I have been able manage things. Isn't it funny how just the fact that someone is thinking of you, can change the perspective and thoughts of despair to an increase in confidence in your ability to keep going.
I wish I could really give an adequate thanks to those who have been so caring and thoughtful. It is something I will never forget and a great reminder that I too, can do more for others who are alone and isolated.
This week, I have had to get a handle on my insurance issue since the company I have been with has pulled out of the healthcare exchange. There are two things I feel powerless over and bring me so much anxiety I will go to any length to avoid it...money and health insurance. They both add to my impossible situation. My insurance guy bailed on me a year or so ago when he made some life changes and even though he stayed in the industry...I think, he turned my account over to someone else. They were actually clueless so any problems I had, I went straight to the help line at the exchange. I was really lost as to what to do now that I have to find a new carrier but that prayer was answered. I found a new insurance company to work with, turned all my stuff over to them and started working on a new plan.
Even though, I'm completely hosed for next year, he was so patient as I cried huge tears that puddled on the edge of his oversized desk. I've never been so embarrassed. He didn't try to silver line it...or say "At least..." He just let me have a moment til I could pull it together. I was so grateful that I had help to navigate things and he patiently explained for the umpteenth time, how deductibles and out of pocket max works because I am too tired to remember all these things. There is only one company that will cover the specialists we need and that is going to come at a price nearly 5 times in monthly premiums what I pay now! I'm pretty upset and don't have a clue how I will be able to pay it.
The same day, I found out my car insurance is going up by nearly $200 a month and the night before my health insurance meeting, I got a letter from the mortgage company saying they miscalculated my escrow when I refinanced a year ago so that's going up.
BUT...these little secret angels who have dropped thoughts along my way each night, have given me my second wind to face this with a renewed faith in the miracles that Heavenly Father can do on my behalf. This is how we roll...we will do what we've always done...we will watch and wait, do the needful things and see how it all comes together for a long term plan. It's interesting to me that all this happened the day after I was inspired to take one night off a week and give that income to someone else...who also needs the work. I'm a little excited to see what happens next in the saga, so stay tuned for January 2018.
IN the meantime, I have had some really amazing opportunities to help people this week. Helping people in much worse circumstances than me and I could see how many of my past experiences have prepared me to be there for them. The Lord is amazing and truly, all things do work for our good...and the good of others too.
Spencer came home this weekend...truly my kids are my currency of happiness! To each other, they are happiness. There was a moment when I was so happy and so proud of them as I watched them having fun with each other and smiling so big, even in the midst of our continuing difficulties.
When he arrived, the first thing he and Sam did was compare their scars and stories of recovery. We were all sitting in the kitchen and when they both lifted their shirts and I sat there looking at my boys with scars across their chest, I was overwhelmed with our story of where we are and how we got here. It was a moment for sure! One of unbelief.
Anyways...always a lot going on and never a break but such is life.
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