There is something to be said about the places and spaces in between the throes of life. Those sacred, empty moments where the mind can wander, thoughts find a place to settle down, peace is created, holiness is found. Nothing is there and Everything awaits creation and joy seems entwined about. I never realized before, how important it is to leave room for those things to reside and flourish.
I am not good at leaving room in my life.
On New Year's Eve, I worked a full day. The house was quiet and empty. Sometimes, there can be an uprising of silence, a roar of nothingness and it's all too much as was the case that night.
I took off to the nearest Barnes and Noble. My favorite 'Wonder' in my world. The place where you can be swallowed up in stories. Million of stories that stir your soul. I love sitting there. The smell of paper and ink is indelible!
And so I sat. I sat in the corner of Starbucks, a hot cocoa in hand and my favorite magazines stacked beside me. I read. I watched the people rushing off, ready to welcome a new year. I opened my notebook and let some thoughts dribble out of my head and the whole evening was going so well.
As if someone closed the book before I was through with the chapter, everything changed and I noticed a hint of space, a little room that spread open the year. A space where appearances weren't allowed; a needle scratching across the vinyl songs that play over and over to keep me distracted, halted everything, and there I spied my life. My big, brutal and beautiful life. The life of extremes I'm always running from. I started to feel it all and that was a moment I wasn't expecting. I didn't know where to put it all.
I left. I ran as fast and as far from myself and remembered why it is I don't leave room for these things. It's hard to dwell there for too long, if at all sometimes, but at the same time, it could be balm of relief, a place to pause and be present.
Perhaps this year, I'll try again to leave room for the important things. I'll try to clear out some space to consider what matters the most. I will become acquainted with my life instead of running from it. Maybe. Maybe not.