I like to believe
I like to believe that I am super human. I like to believe that I can do it all. I like to believe that I am always on top of my game. I like to believe that I always do my best. I like to believe that I am someday going to make 'Mother of the Year'...not on a global level of course, just in my heart. I like to feel like it is an award I am worthy of. I want to feel like I can really do this whole motherhood thing and do it well.
I like to believe that I never have a bad day. I like to believe that no matter how rough the road or tough the adversity, I always see the positive. I like to believe that I never get frustrated or feel hopeless. I like to believe I have faith that will withstand anything. I like to believe that I am on the right path. I like to believe that no matter what, I can find the joy. I like to believe I know who I am, I know whose I am.
This weekend as been a little unbelievable! I guess I have taken the news of Shelbie a little harder than I let on, even to myself. Friday night's ER visit with Spencer was another disheartening blow to my un-believable weekend. Saturday, the drama continued with Shelbie stepping on a rusty nail. If I had normal kids or even back in the day when I believed, in ignorance that I had normal kids, I would clean it really good, take her in for a tetanus shot and that would be the end of that story. But I don't have normal kids, I have Shelbie, Spencer and Samuel.
What do you do with a kid, a rusty nail, no immune system and a virus that calls my daughter home? Will the tetanus shot even work? Will it cause her to get the disease since it is a live vaccine because her immune system will not bother fighting it? If I don't give it to her, will she get the disease anyways? More questions than answers I'm afraid and no local doctor well versed enough to supply me with answers so, I've been doing a lot of praying that nothing will happen to her until we figure it out.
I like to believe I know what I'm doing to take care of my kids but truth be told, I believe I know nothing. This whole chronic illness thing? It's draggin on, draggin away any belief I ever had that I can do this. And while my inner critic tells me I should censor this and leave you with something positive to think about, well, not tonight. I guess that's okay, I'm not giving up though I did receive an email whose subject line read, "Know when to give up" gave me permission to do just that, I am just going to sit where I am and let these feelings be. Tomorrow's another day and I'm sure things will be much brighter. You know how fast things can turn from bad to great around here.
I like to believe that I never have a bad day. I like to believe that no matter how rough the road or tough the adversity, I always see the positive. I like to believe that I never get frustrated or feel hopeless. I like to believe I have faith that will withstand anything. I like to believe that I am on the right path. I like to believe that no matter what, I can find the joy. I like to believe I know who I am, I know whose I am.
This weekend as been a little unbelievable! I guess I have taken the news of Shelbie a little harder than I let on, even to myself. Friday night's ER visit with Spencer was another disheartening blow to my un-believable weekend. Saturday, the drama continued with Shelbie stepping on a rusty nail. If I had normal kids or even back in the day when I believed, in ignorance that I had normal kids, I would clean it really good, take her in for a tetanus shot and that would be the end of that story. But I don't have normal kids, I have Shelbie, Spencer and Samuel.
What do you do with a kid, a rusty nail, no immune system and a virus that calls my daughter home? Will the tetanus shot even work? Will it cause her to get the disease since it is a live vaccine because her immune system will not bother fighting it? If I don't give it to her, will she get the disease anyways? More questions than answers I'm afraid and no local doctor well versed enough to supply me with answers so, I've been doing a lot of praying that nothing will happen to her until we figure it out.
I like to believe I know what I'm doing to take care of my kids but truth be told, I believe I know nothing. This whole chronic illness thing? It's draggin on, draggin away any belief I ever had that I can do this. And while my inner critic tells me I should censor this and leave you with something positive to think about, well, not tonight. I guess that's okay, I'm not giving up though I did receive an email whose subject line read, "Know when to give up" gave me permission to do just that, I am just going to sit where I am and let these feelings be. Tomorrow's another day and I'm sure things will be much brighter. You know how fast things can turn from bad to great around here.
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