The Great Alarm

'The moment of great alarm'...this phrase has been rolling through my mind like a wall street ticker tape.  I've heard before and understood the context in which it was stated but I got to wondering what it means to me.  Webster defines 'Alarm' in these ways...

1. a sudden fear or distressing suspense caused by an awareness of danger; apprehension; fright.

2. any sound, outcry, or information intended to warn of approaching danger: Paul Revere raced through the countryside raising the alarm that the British were coming.

3. an automatic device that serves to call attention, to rouse from sleep, or to warn of fire, smoke, an intruder, etc.

4. a warning sound; signal for attention.

At first, I have felt that for me it means the moment when all my resources have been saturated , I am used up and I have nothing left but panic and there never seems a shortage of that.  The entire summer has been packed with back to back messages of bad news.  Overwhelming and astounding problems have been uncovered and it has been alarming to me.  'Distressing suspense' pretty much says it all.

The more I thought about the alarm we are facing, perhaps it's not all bad.  Knowing that the kids are faring worse than we originally thought is actually good thing.  Knowledge is power.  Information allows us to prepare ourselves for what lies ahead and at the end of the day, that's a good thing.

While I am still feeling my way through this 'new' way of life, it is discouraging, disheartening and difficult.  I feel isolated even when I'm surrounded with people...friends.  My life is so far from anything that resembles 'normal' and I can easily feel like a foreigner in my own familiar world.  Any comfortable pattern of living I once had ceases to exist. 

 

 

We have been in crisis mode since June and shifted into survival methods since then.  I can see that now, it is time to regroup.  Pick myself up, dust off the kids, buy some yellow balloons (like the cheesy mother song said I would do when I became a mother...in my last post)

Yesterday and today have been somewhat of a turning point.  I'm not exactly sure where I am turning to but it's time for a change of something...perspective maybe?  I have done a lot of soul sifting, reading, trying to make sense of where I am and I have reached some interesting conclusions which I believe I will use this blog as my 'platform' for working this out...the nuts and bolts of being the caregiver of three chronically ill children.  There's not a lot of help and understanding for people like us.

More to come on that...In Shelbie news, the IVIG infusion was rough!  Not as long but lots of reactions, pain, nausea, discomfort.  Today and tonight have been the worse of any infusion to date.  I think it could be partly because she got the bad cold I started the week with, she is weary of this battle and the IVIG is so hard on her body.  All those factors have made for a pretty crummy day.  In my last-ditch effort to stay out of the ER tonight, I ran to Walmart ( a store I am really beginning to hate) to get an assortment of cold packs and more OTC pain meds.  The cold packs have taken the edge off the meningitis-like headache and she finally fell asleep.  I really hope she can get some rest tonight.