The job at hand
We have survived the day after...
Here's what I'm thinking...we will be okay.
Sam's doing okay today. He has almost finished covering his bedroom wall in his sketches. Maybe tomorrow he will start painting it. I'm glad he has chosen to stay busy instead letting depressing thoughts take over.
Shelbie has been having the roughest of times with seizures and then constant sleeping. The doctor told me that she would sleep forever after a big seizure. She has been struggling the past two days with something, so I had a pretty good idea that that would trigger some seizure activity and her meds still aren't up to therapeutic levels. She must have had a big one in the night because she's been hard to wake up and for the few minutes she was awake, she wasn't making much sense and couldn't formulate much of a thought. Tonight, she seemed much better.
In a strange way, it's a blessing. She had to get to the city for some props she needs for a big photo shoot tomorrow. I couldn't drive because of work, she couldn't drive because of her condition so Sam volunteered. It's good they have each other to keep themselves busy tonight and there is nothing like a little service to help you keep your focus on what matters. Bless his heart...he's now making tissue paper pom poms for his sister's props for tomorrow.
Spencer is experiencing some good things with work. The video director for James the Mormon called and really needed him to help out on a big music video underway so he left this morning with just 20 min. notice to get to Utah and on set. His dreams are underway and I can't complain about that.
I'm not very good at staying mad or frustrated for very long. I've been thinking about how fast this all transpired with Sam. If it wasn't for so many bouts of pneumonia this year, we never would have found his immune problems and if we hadn't found his immune problems, we would still be stuck in the boat of no one taking his heart problems seriously. It was our Immunologist who got the attention of the doctors we needed, because the immune medications mess with the heart rate. He was alarmed at Sam's heart rate and blood pressure himself. It felt nice to have someone validate what I've always worried about. It's another backwards blessing but a blessing nonetheless.
In another twist of fate, Sam's boss is wearing a holter monitor in preparation for a possible pacemaker too. I think it brings Sam a lot of comfort that they can compare heart stories and I think his boss has a little more compassion and patience with Sam's situation.
I can see more clearly today, that we have been divinely guided.
Right after our appointment yesterday, I got a call from a girl who needs an internship and doesn't expect to be paid. At first, having someone follow me around all day for several weeks was the last thing I wanted but I had a distinct feeling that this was an answer to prayer. The more I thought about what I could have her do, the more things I decided would be helpful, and she would really free up some much needed time for the architecture projects I need to give more attention to. She starts tomorrow.
It's another testament to me that my plan is rarely as simple as God's plan. A few weeks ago, I heard a speaker at church say that God would provide for us in His way and His time. If I'm not careful, it's hard to see that at times. I was wanting to get rid of some of my extra jobs, live with less income...that was my plan. I hadn't thought that having someone else to share the load was a possibility. It makes perfect sense.
Finally...the job at hand...
I need to get myself together. I can't very well keep my kids gathered up in their state of unraveling if I can't even manage that myself. Last night, I was reading in lieu of sleeping because apparently, my body doesn't care for sleep. In David Brooks book, The Road to Character, he said in regards to people with character, "They are not blown off course by storms. They don't crumble in adversity. Their minds are consistent and their hearts dependable."
Now is not the time for us to crumble. Now is the time to suffer well. I will be the first to admit I wrestle with this lately. I use to be a lot better at it. There is a fine line that separates suffering and suffering well. I really want to handle my life better. I want to be a mom my kids can depend on...I can't be their life preserver, that's God's job but I can be a buoy. I can stay afloat in the storms and let them rest on my strength when they need to.
It's a big job. It's my job.
Here's what I'm thinking...we will be okay.
Sam's doing okay today. He has almost finished covering his bedroom wall in his sketches. Maybe tomorrow he will start painting it. I'm glad he has chosen to stay busy instead letting depressing thoughts take over.
Shelbie has been having the roughest of times with seizures and then constant sleeping. The doctor told me that she would sleep forever after a big seizure. She has been struggling the past two days with something, so I had a pretty good idea that that would trigger some seizure activity and her meds still aren't up to therapeutic levels. She must have had a big one in the night because she's been hard to wake up and for the few minutes she was awake, she wasn't making much sense and couldn't formulate much of a thought. Tonight, she seemed much better.
In a strange way, it's a blessing. She had to get to the city for some props she needs for a big photo shoot tomorrow. I couldn't drive because of work, she couldn't drive because of her condition so Sam volunteered. It's good they have each other to keep themselves busy tonight and there is nothing like a little service to help you keep your focus on what matters. Bless his heart...he's now making tissue paper pom poms for his sister's props for tomorrow.
Spencer is experiencing some good things with work. The video director for James the Mormon called and really needed him to help out on a big music video underway so he left this morning with just 20 min. notice to get to Utah and on set. His dreams are underway and I can't complain about that.
I'm not very good at staying mad or frustrated for very long. I've been thinking about how fast this all transpired with Sam. If it wasn't for so many bouts of pneumonia this year, we never would have found his immune problems and if we hadn't found his immune problems, we would still be stuck in the boat of no one taking his heart problems seriously. It was our Immunologist who got the attention of the doctors we needed, because the immune medications mess with the heart rate. He was alarmed at Sam's heart rate and blood pressure himself. It felt nice to have someone validate what I've always worried about. It's another backwards blessing but a blessing nonetheless.
In another twist of fate, Sam's boss is wearing a holter monitor in preparation for a possible pacemaker too. I think it brings Sam a lot of comfort that they can compare heart stories and I think his boss has a little more compassion and patience with Sam's situation.
I can see more clearly today, that we have been divinely guided.
Right after our appointment yesterday, I got a call from a girl who needs an internship and doesn't expect to be paid. At first, having someone follow me around all day for several weeks was the last thing I wanted but I had a distinct feeling that this was an answer to prayer. The more I thought about what I could have her do, the more things I decided would be helpful, and she would really free up some much needed time for the architecture projects I need to give more attention to. She starts tomorrow.
It's another testament to me that my plan is rarely as simple as God's plan. A few weeks ago, I heard a speaker at church say that God would provide for us in His way and His time. If I'm not careful, it's hard to see that at times. I was wanting to get rid of some of my extra jobs, live with less income...that was my plan. I hadn't thought that having someone else to share the load was a possibility. It makes perfect sense.
Finally...the job at hand...
I need to get myself together. I can't very well keep my kids gathered up in their state of unraveling if I can't even manage that myself. Last night, I was reading in lieu of sleeping because apparently, my body doesn't care for sleep. In David Brooks book, The Road to Character, he said in regards to people with character, "They are not blown off course by storms. They don't crumble in adversity. Their minds are consistent and their hearts dependable."
Now is not the time for us to crumble. Now is the time to suffer well. I will be the first to admit I wrestle with this lately. I use to be a lot better at it. There is a fine line that separates suffering and suffering well. I really want to handle my life better. I want to be a mom my kids can depend on...I can't be their life preserver, that's God's job but I can be a buoy. I can stay afloat in the storms and let them rest on my strength when they need to.
It's a big job. It's my job.
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