An Unlikely Gift
I've been thinking about gifts lately. I haven't talked at all about this, but I started my annual 29 Gifts project earlier this month. I'm a little late. 29 Gifts project is usually reserved for the month of January but when January came, I didn't have it in me to even think about anything productive. I thought I would tackle it in February.
February came and gave way to March...and now it's August.
And while I haven't been documenting my projects as I have in the past, I've been busy giving. I've been busy receiving too cause that is what happens when you give; you get ten-fold back. I had a little help from a friend for a few of the days, some of the bigger things. We made care packages for the Huntsman Cancer Center, Madison. Last week, I delivered a ton of school supplies to The Haven in the city; a homeless shelter for women and children. There have been smaller gifts but still significant to me, in between.
Tonight, on my way home from the gym, the sky was a moody mix of deep, vibrant colors and shades of grey and the clouds billowed and bulged and behind it all, the sun was settling down for the night. I felt both lonely and content. I don't understand how that happens so much.
We've covered some emotional ground the past few days. Bad news, birthdays and everything in between. Nothing has changed but everything feels different and distant yet we remain standing where we were just a few days ago when it all felt so impossible. Maybe I'm noticing things I hadn't before...gifts.
It was a gift that my sister could spend a whole week with us. We did nothing fun because I had to work so much but just having her here was awesome. I don't realize how lonely I am until there's someone around to talk to. My kids love their Aunts and Uncles so much! You would think they were their best friends when they finally get to spend a little time with them.
On Sunday, my brother texted me a beautiful message. I rarely talk to my brother. Not because we are fighting or anything, just because we let life get in our way. I was so surprised by his words that I texted him back..."Are you feeling okay?" Ha ha. I love him so much and I wish I could see him more often. He is a gift and he even called Shelbie to see how she was doing.
Sam is managing life incredibly well. He has this little disorder called Dyscalculia. It's a learning disability and his brain processes in ways that few people experience. He is one of the most perceptive people I know. When I need to remember how something fits together or the fine details, I just have to show Sam and in seconds, he's got it! He doesn't however process time passing or remember things, especially things like the details of his health. This has proven to be an odd gift this week as he is able to shift from being completely terrified and overwhelmed to finding his old groove and moving ahead like nothing major is about to rock his world. He is happy and he is working as if nothing happened last week.
Spencer is moving to Utah in a couple of weeks. That's not a gift!! But, in thinking about how much I don't want him to leave I remember what a gift it has been to have him at home for the past year. He brings so much to our family. He can be the voice of reason for Shelbie and friend for Sam. He is my temple buddy and goes the extra mile helping me with whatever. He is thoughtful and kind and doesn't let life slow him down. He has spent the last year learning so much with videography and doors are opening up for him. His learning is paying off.
Last week, I mentioned about the man I met at the Corn Dog truck. It was an opportunity I wasn't expecting and really, it was a gift. I'm not one to voluntarily talk about religion. I'm not one to invite a complete stranger to my home. Somehow, that all happened. He had so many questions about the Gospel that I believe in. He has read the Standard Works, memorized the Articles of Faith and studied many more things pertaining to the LDS religion. We had hours of conversation about things he didn't understand like prayer, revelation, life after death, life before this life, faith...agency. In answering his questions, I realized that really do believe in this Gospel. Without a doubt, my testimony is strong in spite of my trials and more importantly, despite my every growing fatigue and even worry. And though it was just one day, it was an important day to me, an unexpected gift to be reminded of why I stay in the wrestle. I haven't talked to him since then really. He has other adventures planned. It's interesting the people who come and go and cross our path in meaningful, albeit brief ways.
So, in the messy mix of my overwhelming days...there are gifts to be given and gifts to receive; more beautiful than you can imagine.
February came and gave way to March...and now it's August.
And while I haven't been documenting my projects as I have in the past, I've been busy giving. I've been busy receiving too cause that is what happens when you give; you get ten-fold back. I had a little help from a friend for a few of the days, some of the bigger things. We made care packages for the Huntsman Cancer Center, Madison. Last week, I delivered a ton of school supplies to The Haven in the city; a homeless shelter for women and children. There have been smaller gifts but still significant to me, in between.
Tonight, on my way home from the gym, the sky was a moody mix of deep, vibrant colors and shades of grey and the clouds billowed and bulged and behind it all, the sun was settling down for the night. I felt both lonely and content. I don't understand how that happens so much.
We've covered some emotional ground the past few days. Bad news, birthdays and everything in between. Nothing has changed but everything feels different and distant yet we remain standing where we were just a few days ago when it all felt so impossible. Maybe I'm noticing things I hadn't before...gifts.
It was a gift that my sister could spend a whole week with us. We did nothing fun because I had to work so much but just having her here was awesome. I don't realize how lonely I am until there's someone around to talk to. My kids love their Aunts and Uncles so much! You would think they were their best friends when they finally get to spend a little time with them.
On Sunday, my brother texted me a beautiful message. I rarely talk to my brother. Not because we are fighting or anything, just because we let life get in our way. I was so surprised by his words that I texted him back..."Are you feeling okay?" Ha ha. I love him so much and I wish I could see him more often. He is a gift and he even called Shelbie to see how she was doing.
Sam is managing life incredibly well. He has this little disorder called Dyscalculia. It's a learning disability and his brain processes in ways that few people experience. He is one of the most perceptive people I know. When I need to remember how something fits together or the fine details, I just have to show Sam and in seconds, he's got it! He doesn't however process time passing or remember things, especially things like the details of his health. This has proven to be an odd gift this week as he is able to shift from being completely terrified and overwhelmed to finding his old groove and moving ahead like nothing major is about to rock his world. He is happy and he is working as if nothing happened last week.
Spencer is moving to Utah in a couple of weeks. That's not a gift!! But, in thinking about how much I don't want him to leave I remember what a gift it has been to have him at home for the past year. He brings so much to our family. He can be the voice of reason for Shelbie and friend for Sam. He is my temple buddy and goes the extra mile helping me with whatever. He is thoughtful and kind and doesn't let life slow him down. He has spent the last year learning so much with videography and doors are opening up for him. His learning is paying off.
Last week, I mentioned about the man I met at the Corn Dog truck. It was an opportunity I wasn't expecting and really, it was a gift. I'm not one to voluntarily talk about religion. I'm not one to invite a complete stranger to my home. Somehow, that all happened. He had so many questions about the Gospel that I believe in. He has read the Standard Works, memorized the Articles of Faith and studied many more things pertaining to the LDS religion. We had hours of conversation about things he didn't understand like prayer, revelation, life after death, life before this life, faith...agency. In answering his questions, I realized that really do believe in this Gospel. Without a doubt, my testimony is strong in spite of my trials and more importantly, despite my every growing fatigue and even worry. And though it was just one day, it was an important day to me, an unexpected gift to be reminded of why I stay in the wrestle. I haven't talked to him since then really. He has other adventures planned. It's interesting the people who come and go and cross our path in meaningful, albeit brief ways.
So, in the messy mix of my overwhelming days...there are gifts to be given and gifts to receive; more beautiful than you can imagine.
YOU are a gift.
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