Killing me quietly.

My life is trying to kill me.  I've been running from it for so long and it's finally catching up to me.   Literally.  It's killing me.  I ended up in the urgent care last Thursday afternoon because I thought I was having a heart attack.  Seriously.  I sort of let it go for a few hours and then when it got to the point I couldn't even drink water without excruciating pain and Spencer gave me a 30 second reprimand about how I never take care of myself, I drove to the doctor.

They determined that I was not having a heart attack but an ulcer attack instead.  I've wondered but I guess now I know.  They fixed me a concoction to drink that was horrific!  It was mostly lidocaine with some milky disgusting stuff.  I had to drink it fast so it wouldn't numb my tongue but man, did that hurt going down. After about 2 minutes, I felt so much better.  It was worth the gagging and drama I went through to swallow the stuff.  Of course, I acted like it was no big deal in front of the nurse as I tossed it to the back of my throat but inside, is where the drama was!  Ugh.

He put me on the most complicated set of pills known to man with instructions to eat several times a day.  Easy for him to say to the girl who hates breakfast, doesn't love lunch and is content with just a nice dinner.  Add to the fact my esophagus is now lined in razor blades of ulcerative joy...

Here's my dilemma with the pills.  One pill has to be taken one hour before or after I eat, on an empty stomach but it has an interaction with the other pill I am suppose to take, also on an empty stomach, 2 hours prior to eating.  and one hour prior to the other pill!  The first pill I have to take 4 times a day!  Tell me, how do you take that on an empty stomach yet you are suppose to eat all day!  I'm so confused which might explain why I am never compliant with medication.

The other bummer is that I had to stop my anti-inflammatory meds for my Lupus and Ankylosing Spondylitis.  So, I'm one unhappy camper.  For a couple of days, I was feeling better but yesterday and today is so much worse.  Nothing is settling and I just feel positively rotten and in so much pain.  I went to the health food store to stock up on some things I hope will help and I am going to abandon the prescription pills for now.

I can see now that I have to figure my life out.  Something has to change.  I just got a new job and I am very excited about it but it's another part timer and adds more stress.  If I didn't need it, I wouldn't have pursued it. I have no idea how to fix the mess I am in, let alone where to start in repairing my life.  Like everything else, there are just no easy answers.  In the meantime, I'm dying a slow and painful death!



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