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Epic Memory Fail

If memory serves me right...

Well, it doesn't.  My memory is at an all time low.

I am always in awe at people who remember everything.  I know a few people who not only remember everything but celebrate all those 1st moments that happened so long ago.  They remember the day their second kid had his first taste of Kale, the precise time and what plate it was served on and every year on that same day, at that same time, serve up Kale on the same plate, to celebrate.

I knew when I was a young mother, that I was not going to be that kind of mom, so I bought one of those Mom calendars for the mothering challenged.  At the back were a bazillion stickers to celebrate all things related to raising a child that you could put on the corresponding date.  1st cry, 1st burp, 1st tooth, 1st belly crawl, 1st step, 1st rice cereal, potty training events, birthdays, half birthdays, it's almost your half birthday, 1st words, 2nd words, 1st curse, it didn't actually have a sticker like that.  It did have some stickers to remind you of doctor appointments, well baby checks...the well baby checks never got used and I had to make my own reserve of doctor appointment stickers at about month 2 of Shelbie's life.

The calendar worked out great for Shelbie.  I dutifully recorded everything like a good mom does.  By the time Spencer came, the stickers were hit or miss.  I got the major milestones I think.  To save myself some distress about this pressure to record every second of their life, I just decided to feed him nothing but milk til he was two.  After two, it's all old news until kindergarten really.   When Sam showed up,  there was no calendar, no stickers, no care in the world really.  In fact, I think the other two calendars were sold at a yard sale or dropped off at a thrift store because who doesn't want to buy an already stickered up, milestone calendar that is a year old?  I think it made sense at the time.

I'm not the only failure, I actually have a friend who forgot to take pictures of one of her daughters for the first two years when she was a baby, so 'borrowed' some extra pictures of the older daughter and labelled them with the younger daughters name!  Ha ha...genius!

Anyways...that's not the story here.

Last week, when Sam was at the Neurologist's in Utah, they wanted to know what my pregnancy was like with him, how his birth went, how much he weighed, any complications, when he started crawling, walking...all that stuff.

In my defense, I was sick and very tired.  My mind was completely blank.  Panic immediately showed up to chase down those memories.  I couldn't for the life of me remember when Sam crawled or walked or even said his first word.  I know he was slow to do all that because we had a person coming to the house twice a week for therapy kinds of stuff.

So, not to look like a total loss of a parent, I said, "Well, that was a long time ago!  He was slow to do everything."

The Resident said, "If you had to say, how old was he when he walked?"

I seriously had to ask myself how old babies are when they walk...I was arguing with myself in fact, and then just blurted out, "Oh he was a little slow!  8-9 months."

"Wow!" she said, "I'd say he was a real over-achiever!  That's impressive!"

Then it dawns on me that babies don't walk at 8 months!  He couldn't even fist Cheerios!  So I quickly said, "Oh well, you know, slow compared to his siblings.  They were crazy, early walkers those two!" and inside, I die a little...of laughter and Sam's looking at me with a puzzled look on his face about to say, "Who are you and where is my mother?"

The next question was..."When did he start saying his first words?"

Again.  Nothing.  I'm starting wonder who I am anyways and who that kid was sitting across from me!  Maybe he wasn't even my kid!  Maybe I've been abducted and had my brain erased from my past life as a Saudi Arabian Princess!  I don't know...I was lost. I could see a white flag being run up the pole in my head so I just said, "Two."

And, here we are, in a brain doctor's office and ironically, Sam's brain is just fine but mine is not! And...all of my less than intelligent lies are now on his permanent record!
And...another irony of the day?  When we first started talking with the Resident and I was telling her what brought us here in the first place, she interrupted me somewhere in the Telomere conversation and said, "What is your position?  Nurse?"

"Huh?  No.  I'm just a mom."
"Oh, you sound like you really know what you are talking about.  I thought you worked in medicine."

Hilarious.  Apparently, I traded in my sensible mom brain for something a little more concrete and scientific.   I really had her fooled!  I have no idea what I'm talking about!

Don't be jealous.  I know you wish you could be me.



  1. Seriously laughing my head off!! If this post could have jumped off the page and into my life..this would be me so many times! EPIC mom brain fog.. has happened at the most in opportune times.. like when I spelled my own kids name wrong on her brown paper lunch bag for a field me it gets thrown back at me plenty..or when I rattle off dates..and they go with the wrong kid.. Never mind when I called x-hubby by wrong hubby name..maybe that's why were x now..kidding..just a little... I just love it though.. Like really do they think that we can remember all this crap.. I'm lucky if I remember to feed them daily.. like in their lifetime.. I have killed so many plants I'm banned from owning them, but somehow I do remember to feed & water my kids! So really how are we supposed to remember all the other less-important things.
    Thank you for this..I really did love that I'm not the only one who has done this!


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