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The Ups and Downs

Man, it seems I get one child stable and the next one is on the way down.  There never seems to be a time when we are just even steven.

Shelbie is finally in a really good place.  She has good spiritual and emotional energy.  Physically...she is doing lousy but her attitude is very much in a good place.  It's so true, that sometimes, all it takes is someone else besides me, paying a little attention to her and being willing to 'rescue' her.  Just the thought that someone else cares has made all the difference this week.  I am so grateful for a Bishop that is putting her on his radar and quite literally, rescuing her.  It's been a long, hard year for that girl!

Spencer is on the mend and I was so glad to receive a good picture of him today!  Way better than the last picture he sent me!

His energy is coming back, snow is falling in Vail, where he is headed in the morning, and life is good for him. Whew...

Then there's Sam.  Man...this poor kid has been through a lot this year.  I did some bartering with his dad and he was able to hang out with me on Sunday.  We had a good talk.  He's been really sad since his bone marrow biopsy and whenever I ask him what is wrong, he just says he's tired.  He comes home from school and crashes til dinner so I believe he is tired but I also believe there is more going on.

He finally spilled the beans after practically dragging information from him...(the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!)  I don't want to disclose everything on his mind but suffice it to say, Dyskeratosis Congenita stinks!  I hate that we even have to acknowledge the terrible disease!

More than that, he has been feeling lonely.  He misses Spencer terribly!  He misses me too!  That was the kicker.  Since I have gotten more jobs this summer, I haven't had the time I have had in the past to spend with the kids.  Being unemployed was Heavenly, other than the fact we didn't have money, I could be the mom they had grown accustomed to before I got divorced.

Lately, it's been hard to find time.  I still stop what I'm doing when they need me but I spend a lot of time working.  Even though I'm working at home, it makes no difference.  Money is still in short supply and so is my energy.  I must be getting old because I am just plain worn out!

After Sam and I talked, I realized I need to step up my mom game.  I need to be here for him regardless of the cost. He needs me, not a minute or two here and there and but he needs me.

So, today was day one of my new work schedule and play schedule.

Up at 5:45am.  Showered, dressed, scriptures
6:45am- at my desk working
8:00am- leave for house cleaning
11:30am- return home.  Eat lunch with Shelbie, run errands with her
12:45pm- at my desk working
4:45pm- work ends.  Start dinner
5:45pm- FHE begins
7:30pm- head to my night job
9:00pm- Sam and I go to the gym
10:00pm- Home.  Shelbie comes home from her FHE, we eat snacks
10:30pm- 45 more minutes of work, hit the shower
12:00am- go to bed...

Tomorrow, it will be much the same.  I will have to start getting up extra early to start work and go to bed extra late so there will be plenty of time to spend the evening with the kids and whatever time is needed during the day for Shelbie.  It was actually nice.  Sam was much happier today. I am clearly much happier being a mom than I am trying to be the breadwinner!  But...such is life.

The other thing I will be working on this week is coming up with a new weekly tradition.  We use to have Paradise Fridays when we would stop at the donut shop and get a treat on the way to school.  He loved that!  Then we went to Happy Hour at Applebees on Friday's after school before he went to his dad's.  That was cheap and a fun way to end the week. We also had our Thirsty Thursdays and we would go to the gas station and get a redneck drink after school.

I didn't realize how much my kids love these little traditions...and eating!! (I'll save that for another blog post!)  I didn't realize how happy it made them to be spending time together even if it was such a small thing.

Even though things have been up and down, the down time helps us re-establish the things that matter most.  This crazy disease process can really make life tricky and being a single mom only adds to the fun we have around here sometimes!  Ahhh...



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