Play it by ear...

So, never a dull moment!

Went to the doc to get my stitches out and I thought the packing would come out too but I guess not.  The stitches came out though.  He said it looks good, all things considered but it's slow going!!  He was surprised at how dizzy I still am and still feel like total crap-o-la!

I thought I was doing myself a favor by getting off the pain meds and Valium so early.  I just felt like I could manage the pain without anything and dizzy is one thing but feeling groggy and foggy and still sort of dizzy is another and that is what the Valium did for me so more than anything, it just felt like a tactic to keep a busy lady down!   I guess I was wrong...it really does help remedy vertigo.  So...he kindly asked me to go back on it for a couple more weeks!  COUPLE MORE WEEKS!!   NOOOOOOOO!!!!  Aside from this little glitch...it's not really a glitch...I have to remember that there are new bones trying to fuse to a new piece of titanium or something like that and pistons...and all sorts of bionic things and my ear drum isn't even where its suppose to be (which is normal after this surgery) but it's all looking good!  By the way...For the record, I really like Dr. McMaster, Dr. Peterson and all of their staff!  They have been so kind!  Dr. McMaster did the surgery!

It took everything...EVERYTHING I had not to cry!!  Two more weeks of feeling so crappy.  I'm just not use to this and I hate the panic of not being able to work all my jobs and keep up the house.  I hate relying on my kids or other people.  I just barely got back on my feet from years of struggling.

For two weeks...no more...
Driving
Bending
Lifting
Blowing my nose
Sneezing
Coughing
Pressure of any kind on my head

Ugh...Not only that.  I feel so bad for my kids.  Sam especially has been bending over backwards to help me clean the offices at night.  I pretty much just dust and clean sinks but he has to do the the heavy, hard stuff!   I know he would rather be with friends, I would rather him be with friends but he does it without complaint!  I have never heard him complain!!!  I am so grateful to him.  He also drives me everywhere I need to go and even rides on my lap on the motorized scooter at Walmart because I can't see straight to steer.  He has been a good sport but I think he's getting tired of it.  I'm getting tired of this!

On top of it all...The problems with Shelbie continue.  The petechiae and purpura and symptoms of H-Pylori that no one seems to address.  I have had this fall out with our local doc and I don't know where to turn.  Our family doc will just send us to the Oncologist and therein lies the problem.  His last words were, "See ya next year!"

I didn't want to do it, but I sent our sweet doctor in Seattle an email just asking what I should do about the whole situation.  I didn't bash on our doctor here, just gave facts that I felt were contradicting and not in Shelbie's best interest.  Petechiae and Purpura are problems, big problems whether it is due to platelet destruction, platelet manufacturing or some other problem...bleeding is bleeding and not normal.

She confirmed that this needs to be addressed as soon as possible and Shelbie needs to be followed closely! She asked me to bring her out as soon as I can...not August when I had thought.   Amen!!!

That means...a quick trip to Seattle...but I can't drive, I can't think straight, I am not bringing in a good paycheck to pay for a trip...over thinking, over thinking...anxiety...anxiety...where's that Valium???!!!

Tonight...I'm trying to stay calm- sans drugs.  I'm trying to think that all of this is for our good.  I can't clean the homes anyways and have cancelled those for the month so maybe it's better we make the trip while I'm down.  Maybe by the time we get the appointment finalized, I will at least be able to drive most of the way. I have to leave this in God's hands.  I will leave this in God's hands...Somehow...like all the other times, it will be okay. I'm really hoping that my employers will be understanding, at least when it comes to the offices I am still trying to clean at night.

Ohh gosh.  It feels sort of like a mess.  I haven't even scratched the surface of the stuff going on around here but this has been enough for one day!

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