Confessions from Kat

What's the point to a blog if you can't complain right?

Right?

I am not having a good day!  Why can't I just feel better?  Good grief!  I did not sign up for this!  I signed up for the 'get your ear fixed in 24 hours take a little nap over the weekend and get back to life plan'.  That's it!

This morning, I can't see.  I mean, I can see, I'm not blind but everything is blurry, with my glasses on, without my glasses on.  I have cleaned my glasses 50 times and I can not get my eyes to focus!  What now? Why does my body hate me?  I'm so mad.

I am missing so much work and that means an abundance of anxiety!

Shelbie keeps reminding me that she is losing weight faster than normal, she has more petechiae and purpura and bruising and has lost her appetite and all she can do is sleep all day...We laugh a collective, nervous laugh but I need to get her to a doctor who will actually do something helpful but that just isn't going to happen this week and probably not next either since I can't even drive!

Today, is just a day of frustration.  I just want to be out of pain and I want to see straight and not be dizzy anymore!  Who knew the tiniest bone in your body could cause so much grief? People say...you just have to rest...it takes time for new bones to fuse together!  Yes People...it does!!!! But why can't it happen faster??!!

Ahh....the joys of being annoying!

Here's the biggest confession though... and the thing that angers me the very most!!! (Maybe not the most but today for sure!!!)

I consider myself to be an easy going person.  I really do.  I pretty much just go with it...(when it doesn't involve me being sick)  I think I know what I want but when I get what I want, I realize, it's not what I wanted at all!  Restless...I'm just so restless and if I could change one thing about me...that's what I would change!

Here, all I wanted was a nap.  A break.  To forget all the problems we have and just sleep for 8 straight hours without a care in the world.  

Well, surgery brought me day after day of napping!  Not just napping but napping on mind numbing drugs!  I should be about as happy as a rat on a Cheeto!!!  Right?  RIGHT?  Nope.  Not happy.

I have always said I hated cleaning and couldn't wait until I never had to clean again.  Well...I haven't had to clean this week, or next, doctor's orders; I should be about as happy as a tornado in a trailer park! Right?

 Nope...now I'm stressing about what I would possibly do just drafting at a desk at home all day long!

I was so swamped with work before surgery, working 60 hours a week and I just wanted things to slow down.  Well, they've slowed down.  Waayyyy down!  I should be about as happy as a pup with two tails! Right?

Nope...now I'm stressing that I don't have enough work.  I don't have enough money to dig out of this mountain of debt!  

Okay...well, there you have it.  True confessions of a crazy lady!  I need therapy and a lot of it!  I probably need a white jacket with shiny silver buckles and super long sleeves...but then again...that wouldn't make me happy either...I'd just chew through the leather and what's the point to that?


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