"Where's my rock?"

I can't remember where we were going this weekend, it doesn't matter really and Shelbie turned to me and said, "Where's my rock?" 
"What?"  I asked.
"Where's my rock?  What is wrong with you?  You are turning to sand."
I have to admit, she caught me off guard.  "I don't know."was my only reply. 

I don't know.  I do know it's been a hard month in my dealings with doctors, hospitals and their staff.  It's not enough apparently that I have to deal with all the other craptastic things in life, I get to deal with the bad moods of others who then take it out on me and make their problems, mine.  Funny how that works.  I feel bad.  I put extreme effort into each day to be strong and I feel bad because my wavering is causing my kids to waver some. 

I apologized but she understood.  I think she really did understand in that moment how much I have tried to absorb all the hurt and shock over the past 19 years.  At some point, the spring gets a little sprung.  I guess I'm just going through the 'sprung' stage. 

At any rate.  It's been an interesting week with a lot of deep conversations that has given me a lot to think about.  This week, we are gearing up for another IVIG transfusion.  Spencer's Wish Granters from Make A Wish will be coming on Wednesday to welcome Spencer to the world of wishes, an uncomfortable place to be according to Spencer.  Finally, looking for some communication from our docs in Seattle to begin planning our next bone marrow biopsy event as well as muscle biopsies.  So, onward and upward.  A little boot strap therapy is in order I guess.


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