While we wait

I am so glad this week flew by.  I dread waiting for test results.  Even when the kids were absolutely stable and 'normal' for them, it was hard to wait.  This time is a bit different of course.  I have really tried to stay busy this week doing a little of everything and a lot of nothing.  I say that because I am seriously tired today but when I look at the week and what I have accomplished, I don't really have much to show for it. 

We should really hold a lottery for stuff like this, the odds of guessing what the outcome will be are about as unlikely as guessing the powerball winner!  When I am having a good day, I convince myself that all the abnormal, dysplastic cells will be gone and we will be back to normal, whatever that has become.  On the days when the kids are having a little more pain and new aches than normal, I am just sure that the marrow will show great declines and that is discouraging.  I wish I could just be neutral but I haven't figured out how to do that yet.  It is the best way to be though, I know that. 

Speaking of aches and pains.  Spencer has been complaining all week of swollen glands that are really sore but no other symptoms to connect to that.  His throat isn't sore as you would expect, just his neck.  He has lots of pain in his joints and a general achiness in his bones but he says it is not like having the flu when you get all achy and feverish.  In fact, he hasn't had a fever. 

This is where the conundrum occurs.  If I take my kids to the doc everytime stuff like this comes up, we would seriously be there several times a week between the three of them.  That seems like paranoid behavior so I take the 'wait and see' approach which comes with it's own hassles.  The kids translate that to mean I don't believe them, care about them or take them seriously.  They begin to lose trust in my efforts as a mom and I begin to lose points towards my dream of being 'Mother of the Year' : )  To appease them, I offer a Tylenol or Advil and hope that somehow they find relief.  That hasn't been working out too well lately, I think they are on to me!  So, what's a mom to do?  It never fails though, when there is nothing I can do to ease the symptoms, I break down and take them in only to hear the provider say, "Well, it's too bad we didn't catch this sooner."  Ughh, my best laid plans foiled again!! 

I need to figure out a better plan of care, they have ganged up on me and tease me using the dog as a their perfect example of 'how I don't care'.  If you read my other blog, you will know that I thought my dog had allergies and just let her suffer with them when in fact she has a very bad heart condition but I didn't know the extent of that because I was too cheap to take her to the vet.  So, they poke at each other when one of them is sick, "Don't worry, mom will take you to the doctor when you are beyond repair and have a couple of months to live!"  It sounds sad and harsh but if you know my kids, they are saying it sarcastically with a great deal of humor and fun and we all end up laughing... til I banish them to their bedrooms!  Just kidding.  It's good for a laugh though!  I don't know what else to do or how to handle it all, chronic illness is still new to me, everyday is a different adventure!  In the meantime, we wait for results of bone marrow biopsies.

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