Keeping busy

Things have been really busy since being home.  I left Seattle with a pinched nerve in my neck and it is still giving me some grief which not only makes me cranky because I have had a headache since Wednesday but makes it hard to get things done with any amount of efficiency.  The kids are healing up nicely.  They still have some pain, especially when they bend down.  Today, Shelbie bumped up against the counter top and that created a shooting pain at her biopsy site but other than that, no infections so that is great.

I have been trying to stay busy and not dwell too much on the future.  I really thought I was doing well until I opened my e mail this afternoon and saw that there was a message from Dr. S in Seattle.  All of a sudden I felt sick and dizzy.  A real physical reaction and I didn't even know what the message was about.  Turns out it was just a form I need to sign so that Children's hospital can store the kids' DNA.  I was really surprised at my reaction.  Stress is a sneaky thing, it can be so subtle, serpentining its way through a simple and mundane day without even being noticed. 

Last night, Sam just had this total crash of emotion.  He was cranky and crying and after 20 min of trying to get him to tell me what was wrong he finally said he didn't know other than he was just angry but he didn't know why.  I think anger is a way we hide fear.  It always seems like the kids are so resilient because they seem happy for the most part.  I guess they are really no different from me.  We really don't realize how much we worry about things.

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