Making the Cut

It's been a challenge for me to take my doctor's advice about figuring out a different way to do things.  I'm terrible at taking care of myself and usually, when I hear a doctor tell me I have too much stress, I tell them I'm fine.  This time was different though.  I think because I actually feel the effects of the past two years on me.  Through my tears, I said, "Can you fix me?" and he looked at me in the most tender way and said, "No.  I can't.  You have to fix yourself." I knew he was right.

He gave me some advice- "You can't do this alone anymore.  You need to find a way to share the load and you need to involve your kids."

That's was the hardest pill of all to swallow.  I have spent countless hours thinking about this.  Of course the obvious thing would be to get married again...and here's a little interesting fact of mystery I bet you didn't know.

I've had 4 opportunities in the past 12 months to get married! A few of the men had a lot of money. I'm sure this is a shocking piece of information, since no one even thinks I date.  I don't really, but it's true.  They were all wrong for me.  Each one grilled me about how I would take care of them.  Not one of them ever told me how they would care for me...not take care of me, just treat me as a kind, human being; not once, but they were very concerned with how much I would dote on them and none of them could understand my kids and the relationship I have with them, let alone wrap their mind around our life in the chronic lane.  I actually had one man say, "If you are always taking care of them, when would you have time to take care of me?"  HUH? Needless to say, things didn't go very far.

Basically...marriage doesn't seem to be the answer at least from the dating pool of options around here.

There isn't anything physically that I really need to do in order to share the load.  My kids aren't little so it's not like I need childcare or meals.  Honestly, no one around here is eating much so cooking isn't really a burden.  It's more the emotional things that are tough. I carry a lot of overwhelming things around with me.

So, this week, as I cut things and people from my life, it's interesting how my brain determines how to make the cut.  This is the statement I have ended up saying to myself..
"I know I'm suppose to do _________ but I'm going to do __________ instead."  It's really been helpful in changing my focus and level of stress.  I can't change the kids' health, but I can change other things, so that's what I'm trying to do.  Have you ever really tried to consciously, manage the stress in your life?

I can tell managing my stress, is going to be the hardest thing I've done in my life and for myself.


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