Blessed?
Well, well, well...What a day I had today! It didn't start as I had planned for it to, in fact, it ended up being the farthest from my plans! That's life right?
The foot problems continue for me. You never really understand just how much you use your feet and legs until you can't! I wrote a somewhat comical take on the problem over at my other blog, you can get caught up on the story if you want by going HERE
The tarsal tunnel that I was diagnosed with on Monday hasn't been getting any better despite keeping it wrapped, elevated and iced. The ACE wrap just wasn't doing enough to keep my ankle immobilized so I stopped in at my Physical Therapist's to see if he had any ideas. He took a look and suggested I come in and let him work on it. I made an appointment for this morning. (Friday)
So, I head in first thing and he examines things and determines that my Achilles tendon is also inflamed and swollen. I knew that because bending my foot is super painful. He did E-Stim, light therapy, deep tissue massage, heat and ice! When he was through, he said, "You have no idea how serious this is do you?"
"No. I guess I don't, it just hurts and that's all I know." I replied.
"You might be upset when I tell you that I really want this foot completely immobilized and I am going to call over to the urgent care to see if they can see you right now because you could have a blood clot as well. They will also fit you with a walking cast or brace."
"Are you kidding me? Isn't that overkill? How long will I be in the brace? Can I keep working?" questions just bubbled out of my mouth. I was teetering between anxiety and panic at the thought of not being able to work! My second thought was anger that I don't or can't take better care of myself.
I did as I was told and went to the Urgent Care. I really liked the doctor I saw and of course I knew him...surprise, surprise! Anyways, he agreed that I either had a blood clot or phlebitis so he sent me to the hospital for imaging. He also confirmed that my Achilles tendon is a mess due to the inflammation of the tarsal tendons etc. Not only that, my Ankylosing Spondylitis which is not even remotely close to being under control is making everything that much worse and recovery is going to be slow!!! Or so he said. UGHHH!!!
He too said, "This is a very serious condition. You have to try to stay off your feet as much as possible. These types of problems can go on for a year or more, you may end up having to have surgery on the tendons and worse case scenario, you could have permanent nerve damage in your foot!" Good grief!!!
I went to the hospital...no blood clot!! That made everything way better!!! I do however, have phlebitis. BOO!
The walking boot is actually a blessing. It takes my pain from a 19 to an 8 out of 10!
Anyways, as soon as I was done at the hospital, I ran to my friend's place in Rigby to apologize for not being there in the morning like I had promised, to help get things set up for her massive yard sale tomorrow to raise money for her son whose is awaiting a liver transplant. I didn't get there until 12:45 in the afternoon!! I felt so bad. Then, I had to dash to work in the city which I was already late for.
Driving hurts so bad so all the way there, I whined and complained to myself. I was mad and frustrated. Doesn't God realize that I am working as hard as I possibly can and to be incapacitated is not at all helpful? I didn't want to be mad at God. I'm not mad at God. I just don't understand sometimes, why I have to go through so much nonsense! I try to learn from the problems and trials. I try to be a good person but sometimes, I just don't understand. My favorite complaint of all though was this one..."I thought families who have a missionary out are suppose to get extra blessings or something?" That was a priceless complaint and a whine on steroids!!
But then...I thought of the letter I wrote Spencer last week. I was telling him how important I thought the word 'REMEMBER' was. If people could just remember how much they have been blessed, they would never turn their back on God. Boy, that did it! I started remembering all the blessings I have been given.
Even though I feel positively lousy most days, I am blessed to be able to get through the work and support my family.
Even though my kids are always sick with one thing or another, they still manage to smile and do the best they can.
Even though Spencer has been sick most of his mission, he has had one really good week! That is huge!!
Even though a lot of the time, I am tempted to say how much I hate my life, I remember my dear friends who are clinging to life. Who would gladly trade their dying bodies for one that is just a little broken.
Even though I hate working 11 jobs, it's better than having just one job that doesn't come close to paying the bills.
Even though Shelbie has been downright sick for more than a month, she is starting to feel a little better. She is keeping food down a little more each day and is back to work.
Even though it seems like we have had nothing but problems since Spencer left, each problem comes with the blessings to God to help us get through them. Somehow we manage and somehow, that's enough. God has given us good gifts and even just enough, is enough.
I remember Spencer writing once and in reference to his poor health, he said, "Heavenly Father didn't promise me I wouldn't be sick at all, He only said my health would be sufficient, and it is. I don't feel well, but he helps me get up and get going and that's all I can ask for."
So, tonight I am feeling a little better about things...we are blessed. Despite the problems, we are blessed and God is good even when my foot is killing me and I have no idea how my life is going to work out given the latest set backs but I KNOW He is already working on a solution! He will let me in on His plan one of these days...until then...we just hang in there...and try not to complain too much! ;)
The foot problems continue for me. You never really understand just how much you use your feet and legs until you can't! I wrote a somewhat comical take on the problem over at my other blog, you can get caught up on the story if you want by going HERE
The tarsal tunnel that I was diagnosed with on Monday hasn't been getting any better despite keeping it wrapped, elevated and iced. The ACE wrap just wasn't doing enough to keep my ankle immobilized so I stopped in at my Physical Therapist's to see if he had any ideas. He took a look and suggested I come in and let him work on it. I made an appointment for this morning. (Friday)
So, I head in first thing and he examines things and determines that my Achilles tendon is also inflamed and swollen. I knew that because bending my foot is super painful. He did E-Stim, light therapy, deep tissue massage, heat and ice! When he was through, he said, "You have no idea how serious this is do you?"
"No. I guess I don't, it just hurts and that's all I know." I replied.
"You might be upset when I tell you that I really want this foot completely immobilized and I am going to call over to the urgent care to see if they can see you right now because you could have a blood clot as well. They will also fit you with a walking cast or brace."
"Are you kidding me? Isn't that overkill? How long will I be in the brace? Can I keep working?" questions just bubbled out of my mouth. I was teetering between anxiety and panic at the thought of not being able to work! My second thought was anger that I don't or can't take better care of myself.
I did as I was told and went to the Urgent Care. I really liked the doctor I saw and of course I knew him...surprise, surprise! Anyways, he agreed that I either had a blood clot or phlebitis so he sent me to the hospital for imaging. He also confirmed that my Achilles tendon is a mess due to the inflammation of the tarsal tendons etc. Not only that, my Ankylosing Spondylitis which is not even remotely close to being under control is making everything that much worse and recovery is going to be slow!!! Or so he said. UGHHH!!!
He too said, "This is a very serious condition. You have to try to stay off your feet as much as possible. These types of problems can go on for a year or more, you may end up having to have surgery on the tendons and worse case scenario, you could have permanent nerve damage in your foot!" Good grief!!!
I went to the hospital...no blood clot!! That made everything way better!!! I do however, have phlebitis. BOO!
The walking boot is actually a blessing. It takes my pain from a 19 to an 8 out of 10!
Anyways, as soon as I was done at the hospital, I ran to my friend's place in Rigby to apologize for not being there in the morning like I had promised, to help get things set up for her massive yard sale tomorrow to raise money for her son whose is awaiting a liver transplant. I didn't get there until 12:45 in the afternoon!! I felt so bad. Then, I had to dash to work in the city which I was already late for.
Driving hurts so bad so all the way there, I whined and complained to myself. I was mad and frustrated. Doesn't God realize that I am working as hard as I possibly can and to be incapacitated is not at all helpful? I didn't want to be mad at God. I'm not mad at God. I just don't understand sometimes, why I have to go through so much nonsense! I try to learn from the problems and trials. I try to be a good person but sometimes, I just don't understand. My favorite complaint of all though was this one..."I thought families who have a missionary out are suppose to get extra blessings or something?" That was a priceless complaint and a whine on steroids!!
But then...I thought of the letter I wrote Spencer last week. I was telling him how important I thought the word 'REMEMBER' was. If people could just remember how much they have been blessed, they would never turn their back on God. Boy, that did it! I started remembering all the blessings I have been given.
Even though I feel positively lousy most days, I am blessed to be able to get through the work and support my family.
Even though my kids are always sick with one thing or another, they still manage to smile and do the best they can.
Even though Spencer has been sick most of his mission, he has had one really good week! That is huge!!
Even though a lot of the time, I am tempted to say how much I hate my life, I remember my dear friends who are clinging to life. Who would gladly trade their dying bodies for one that is just a little broken.
Even though I hate working 11 jobs, it's better than having just one job that doesn't come close to paying the bills.
Even though Shelbie has been downright sick for more than a month, she is starting to feel a little better. She is keeping food down a little more each day and is back to work.
Even though it seems like we have had nothing but problems since Spencer left, each problem comes with the blessings to God to help us get through them. Somehow we manage and somehow, that's enough. God has given us good gifts and even just enough, is enough.
I remember Spencer writing once and in reference to his poor health, he said, "Heavenly Father didn't promise me I wouldn't be sick at all, He only said my health would be sufficient, and it is. I don't feel well, but he helps me get up and get going and that's all I can ask for."
So, tonight I am feeling a little better about things...we are blessed. Despite the problems, we are blessed and God is good even when my foot is killing me and I have no idea how my life is going to work out given the latest set backs but I KNOW He is already working on a solution! He will let me in on His plan one of these days...until then...we just hang in there...and try not to complain too much! ;)
I think even with a missionary out and the blessings that do come with it, Satan is right there waiting to jump into those moments of doubt and stress. Maybe this is a blessing you can't see through yet. Maybe it is time to slow life down for a bit, and relax, You do need a good rest, so try to enjoy it through the pain and PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE call me or Vince if you need something, anything, something picked up or you or kids brought somewhere, day or night! we don't live far. I'll keep you in my prayers!
ReplyDelete