Sunday, March 4, 2012

Few and Far

There was a brief period of time, if you can imagine, when the episodes of illness and disease were few and far between.  It was a time when Shwachman Diamond Syndrome was more like a sleeping dragon and would only wake for a moment to stretch and blow a little steam but then settle back down. 

I realized last night, as I sat all by myself at Barnes and Noble that it is now the ordinary moments that only bubble to the surface of our life from time to time, bringing with it that element of surprise, a remembering of what life is like for most people yet for us remains elusive and miraculous when it happens. 

I was all alone, I mean the store was packed but I was on my own.  The kids were all off at various activities.  In three hours, I didn't get one text, one call, not one interruption from Mito or Shwachmans!  No one called to tell me they were going to throw up, or felt like passing out, had low blood pressure, a sore throat, headache or just felt generally ill.  No one had anxiety, panic or any other emotional issue.  It was uninterrupted bliss which I will admit made me feel a little nervous, a little guilty and a little grateful.  Those are weird emotions to feel all at once I tell ya. 

I spent hours flipping pages of business books, marketing books, writing books, memoirs, cookbooks, magazines and new nonfiction titles.  I drooled over all the lovely notebooks and organizers; my weakness in life.  Still, I waited for someone to need me, a call or a text but nothing came through. 

It was a strange night for sure but at the same time, a miraculous moment of ordinary.  So that's what ordinary feels like?  It's been so long.
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