I heard a very long time ago, that you should never ask God why?  God will turn His back on a question like that because it just means you are wanting to start an argument.  I took that to heart so many years ago, I think I was only 13 or 14, not very old to be thinking let alone remembering such deep thoughts.  It has proven to be something I have needed as I go through these trials. 

I don't know why things have happened in my life the way they have.  I don't know why bad things happen nor do I understand why I am deserving of so many wonderful blessings.  Some days, I don't know why I haven't given up!  Well, I actually do know why...I am being tested and prepared for something awesome and I can hardly wait to pass this test to see what is waiting behind the next closed door. 

There is a 'why' that I really don't understand.  Why is it so hard to admit that things are hard?  Why is it so hard to admit to a moment or two of weakness?  I don't know why.  It seems like instead of just admitting these things, it's easier to walk around getting upset and frustrated with all sorts of dumb things in order to avoid the real things.  We've been doing that alot around here lately.  I haven't been myself lately, just feeling the effects of being the family shock absorber.  Instead of being honest with my kids about how I am feeling, I let the volume of the tv set me off because that makes sense right? 

So, I don't know all the answers to the why's and really I don't need to know all the answers.  I do know that next week, I am going to try to focus the entire week on better communication, better ways and safer ways to vent our frustrations and anxieties and teach my kids and me to be real.


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