I'm avoiding life

Truthfully, I haven't posted here in a couple of days which is really a long time for me mostly because it has been such a hard week!  I have always wanted my posts to be authentic as we carry on through each day but I have struggled with the concepts of editing and censoring.   I have been prone this week to censoring what I say to protect the innocent...I guess. ;-)  (The innocent being those who take the time to read this)
       What can I say that everyone hasn't already heard?  Shelbie's platelets are below 20 now and as far as a concrete date to start the next 'thing' goes, we don't have one.  I am guessing that this week, she will be back to low teens, even single digits, we will either end up in the hospital or at the doctor's office then schedule the minor procedure to place a pic line, then start chemotherapy. 
       I heard it said, "Never underestimate the trials God can give you." I don't know who said that but boy, were they right!  In between all the conflict going on for me right now, I am thinking about what the next few weeks have in store for Shelbie.  I fear we are experiencing the calm before the storm.  Boy, I remember like it was yesterday, the first day of chemotherapy in 2007.  This week has also been trying to avoid what is coming.  Once she has her first dose of chemo, the rest of her life will change regardless of remission or not.  Chemo for Shelbie will be the difference between sending a Principal into a rowdy classroom to quiet everyone down, put some trouble makers in the corner or the Principal removing the troublemakers and kicking them out of school forever.  Everything we have tried up until now has been sending in the Principal but that hasn't worked too well.  Chemo will remove the troublemakers and they will never return.  The troublemakers are her immune system.  Hers is already missing some players so taking out more can only mean that for the rest of her life, she will need to be supplemented with IVIG once a month.  That is expensive and exhausting but it is what it is.  This is the 'suck' factor for choosing this option. 
      Once it has been confirmed that chemo needs to start and the date has been scheduled, we just can't look back.  Any 'what ifs' and 'maybes' will only be an exercise in futility.


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