Easy to forget

I just finished reading a great book called Left To Tell by Immaculee Ilibagiza.  It is a true story, a memoir of this young girl and how she survived the Rwanda genocide that took place in 1994.   Immaculee says, "Life was so good it was sometimes easy to forget that there was a war going on while other times, it was impossible to forget."

This statement resonated with me.  I guess everyone faces a different kind of war at one time or another in their life whether it be an actual war with weapons of mass destruction or a war within ourselves fighting addictions, demons from the past or health issues.  At times, life can feel pretty normal and we are able to forget about the broken genes and chromosomes.  Other times, it can not be forgotten.  Whether feeling normal or beaten by the ravages of war, I am always in a state of being hyper alert; on guard for what could happen next.

Monday night, Spencer casually informed me that he had a lot of petechiae on his legs.  My heart sank and those words left a bitter taste in my mouth and an ache in my ears.  Honestly, it was hard to know how to respond.  He immediately tried to justify why they are there, trying to account for activities he has been doing that may have broken some blood vessels.  None of them were logical though it was a good try, he was probably responding to the panic setting in my eyes.   He has definitely cycled before with his platelets dropping as low as 75 but it isn't a prolonged drop and he gets back up into the 130 range or even higher.  Initially, I was tempted to drag him up to the hospital in a panic but once I was able to tone down the hyper feelings of anxiety, I decided to wait and see if they begin to fade or he gets more.  So far, there really isn't a change in how they look but he doesn't have any more so that is good.  It's really hard to describe just how crazy this can feel at times.


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