Self Care-ish

"When are you going to start taking care of yourself?" He asked.

"I mean, I will.  I just need to get through the next few weeks. I just need some more antibiotics and I'll be able to kick this."  I replied.  I fully realize I sounded like a drug junkie begging for antibiotics!

"That's not going to fix anything.  You have to stop and take care of yourself." 

 I hate that my healthcare provider had to say any of that.  I hardly know him.  But, he could see it was my umpteenth visit to the urgent care in just 6 weeks, and the day before Thanksgiving.   Spencer was going to make it home, I knew I wasn't going to be with the kids for Christmas so I really just wanted to feel well enough to get through the day...and I did.  It was fine for the most part.

I knew he was right.  My red blood count is trending below the normal realm so they automatically jump to conclusions...I have a string of swollen lymph nodes and an abscess in my jaw, which has been there for, um...probably 2 or 3 months which is the reason for all the antibiotics.  It was my best effort at keeping it from spreading to my brain because apparently, that's a real thing that happens.

So, tomorrow, I have to have surgery to scrape the out of control infection from the bone in my face.  They will go in through my gums and it sounds like it's going to be all sorts of fun.  Is it curious to anyone but me that dental work isn't covered on the same insurance that covers literally every other part of your body? What a racket!  Because an oral surgeon has to do this job, it's considered dental surgery even though they don't believe it has anything to do with my teeth.  I don't have dental insurance.  So, my kids are getting an infection free mother for Christmas! They are super excited.  If I want to be sedated for this event, I have to pay a couple of thousand dollars more, give up my first born, something like that, so, I decided to feel the whole thing unfold...insert eye rolling!  Ugh.  (I'm just kidding they will not go Christmasless this year...No, we don't need a Go Fund Me...We're good)

I don't even know anything about this guy.  He's not in town.  I asked the secretary what I can expect pain wise, she said, "Well, it's hard to say. It will hurt."

Shocking!  Really, that clears things up. 

Then I asked her if they offered a discount for people without insurance and she said they could take $100 off.  Wow!!  What a savings!   So far, I'm not loving this clinic but I keep telling myself it will only be one nail biting hour of my life. I'm sure it will be fine.  I've done some pretty crappy things, how bad can this be?

The fun continues next week when I get to have a colonoscopy...they think the swollen lymph nodes and low red blood cell count has something to do with my colon.  I'm not super worried.  I think my lymph nodes are just stressed and tired like the rest of me.  But, it's the only way to keep my doctor happy.   Get this...my insurance will cover the procedure just fine but not the prep stuff!! No, I'm not making this up.  This is for real, the real Obamacare won't cover the stuff you have to drink in order to even do the dang test.  It's over $100 for the prescription.  That's like buying a car that doesn't come with tires...I mean, similar to that anyways...insert eye rolling. 

I met with my surgeon yesterday and he did promise me a nice long nap with a healthy serving of propofol...hopefully not as big as what Michael Jackson had, I don't want to sleep thaaat long!   So, that's something to look forward to.

Today, I drove down to Salt Lake to pick up Sam from the hospital.  The boys did great, no problems.  It never gets any easier to say goodbye to Spencer.  Today, I heard from our Neurologist and Sam's genetic test came back positive for the TREX 1 mutation, just like Shelbie.  That felt lousy to hear and it caught me off guard.  We were told it would take 3 months to get the results, not 3 weeks!   Spencer's hasn't come back yet so we will continue to wait on that.

So... my long and winded point is that I'm trying to take care of myself even though I have no time whatsoever for any of this but clearly, I need to be around and relatively alive, to get my kids through these rough moments that lie ahead.  Believe me, I would have rather had a spa day and slice of chocolate cake but instead a priceless colon prep and scraping out infection from my old brittle bones sounds like a close second! Here's to survival!