Growing Pains
I saw this meme a few weeks ago and it immediately became my new mantra.
Is this not the most accurate truth bomb you've ever heard?
This perfectly describes me right now. If I can just get through this 50th year...I will have advanced into the teenage years and what a joy I'm sure that will be.
So, I've been missing in action mostly because I am still struggling to be an effective business owner. Since quitting my cleaning jobs earlier this year, I've had to step up the hustle and when people call to see if I can 'fit' them in, I say yes because I am scrambling to keep my bank account in the black. Needless to say, I'm completely out of balance, exhausted and spread dangerously thin. Despite all that, I am finding time to add even more to my life.
For example...Shelbie has a dream of a beautiful backyard oasis and since we can't afford to go anywhere, I wanted to make this happen. She offered to pay for all the supplies so Sam and I built a pergola! Yes! We did it by ourselves and with our very own two hands and a lot of sweat and there may have been a not so nice word uttered quietly under my breath! It was so HARD!! Sam was awesome. I told him it was a dad test to see if he could build something with me, without yelling and losing his patience like most men do with the smallest Ikea project. He was seriously the most patient person ever because so many things went wrong, we had the wrong tools and it was 85 degrees while we built it. You know what? It has withstood 60 mph winds and tornado warnings. We love it and we spend every night back there.
This perfectly describes me right now. If I can just get through this 50th year...I will have advanced into the teenage years and what a joy I'm sure that will be.
So, I've been missing in action mostly because I am still struggling to be an effective business owner. Since quitting my cleaning jobs earlier this year, I've had to step up the hustle and when people call to see if I can 'fit' them in, I say yes because I am scrambling to keep my bank account in the black. Needless to say, I'm completely out of balance, exhausted and spread dangerously thin. Despite all that, I am finding time to add even more to my life.
For example...Shelbie has a dream of a beautiful backyard oasis and since we can't afford to go anywhere, I wanted to make this happen. She offered to pay for all the supplies so Sam and I built a pergola! Yes! We did it by ourselves and with our very own two hands and a lot of sweat and there may have been a not so nice word uttered quietly under my breath! It was so HARD!! Sam was awesome. I told him it was a dad test to see if he could build something with me, without yelling and losing his patience like most men do with the smallest Ikea project. He was seriously the most patient person ever because so many things went wrong, we had the wrong tools and it was 85 degrees while we built it. You know what? It has withstood 60 mph winds and tornado warnings. We love it and we spend every night back there.
Let's see...what else?
Oh, I decided I wanted to look into a personal trainer and was offered a few free trial sessions with a trainer at my gym. I accidentally signed up for a functional training class! Oh. My. Gosh. It was the worst accident of my life. I forgot I was 50 years old and about 10 minutes into the class with 4 other 20 something year old girls, I was pretty sure I would need to pause in order to perform CPR on myself. In an effort to act younger than I am, I just pretended it was boring and effortless. No one wants to look like a complete failure in front a bunch of gym rats at 'rush hour'. I haven't been back. My knees were swollen for 6 days after and my heart rate just barely started getting back to normal!
In some sad news...my friend moved away. All the way across the country. We started out together as an assignment in church for me to visit her, but it didn't take more than one visit to know it was much more than an assignment. She was heaven sent. I'm not sure how long it's been since that first day we met, years for sure. I stopped keeping track because it seemed like we had always fit together. We have been through many a hard day, her with her trials and me with mine. We lifted each other, shared in our disappointments and joys and pressed on. We spent many days together helping and serving others and in that, our hearts became knit together.
I didn't have the chance to throw a goodbye party, catch a movie or dinner or anything like that and I dread goodbyes, so it was fitting that I had my own little moment, just the two of us to say goodbye and I will keep in my heart, all those tender memories of how deeply we were connected.
Finally, today, I received a disturbing call from the University Hospital. Our very, all time, favorite beyond favorite doctor is leaving the hospital and taking a position with the CDC in Atlanta!! He's our immunologist, Dr. Gundlapalli and he has saved my kids' life on more than one occasion. I can't even think about saying goodbye to him in just over two weeks for our last appointment. I am overwhelmed with the thought of finding a new immunologist. I can't even. I've cried off and on all day just thinking about it. It's completely exhausting and overwhelming to go through this process again. He has taught me so much about my kids and their immune systems. He has spent countless hours with us and I don't quite know how to honor him.
So...lots going on. I definitely feel the weight of the world these days and I feel the winds of change starting to blow...that in and of itself is a little unnerving.
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