Happy Birthday Sam

Sam was born on the 14th of May, 21 years ago. It was a late Thursday night as the moon was hopscotching it's way across the cloudy sky.

He was born among the stormy days we often found ourselves weathering with the other two kids, and there was no time for long snuggles and lazy days.  He lived in his car seat for much of the first few months of his life as we bounced back and forth from here to Salt Lake and the Primary Children's Hospital.   I remember clearly the day we nearly lost Shelbie, and my newborn Sam sat in his carseat,  just outside the hospital room door and sat patiently, meandering in and out of sleep; never fussy or sad.  I know that I was blessed with this child for so many good reasons.  In the moments when I could hold him and feed him, I knew it was a tender mercy, a quiet moment and closest thing to Heaven that I had.  He was my buoy.

 When I really stop to think about those early weeks of Sam's life, he was rocked to sleep with the anxious beats of my heart and fed from an everlasting well of worry and fear.  Those were hard days.  In all the medical chaos, we had been robbed and over $40,000 worth of our life, the stuff of our life was gone, and all that was left was quite literally, the clothes on our back and each other. 

Sam is my moon.  There is no mistaking the light he brought, that has always shined. It is the soft, gentle glow we always needed in order to survive.  Being the third child, he has often found himself in the shadows of his siblings.  Regardless of how hard things were or are, even now, Sam is this source of surprising calm and peace. He sees the details of life that most of us miss.  He feels deeply and loves  profoundly. He is so bright, even when the night can seem so dark.  I love him.  He is my moon.

The customary birthday picture...

Me and Sam. 

These two together are trouble!

Age 2