Choose Your Own Ending

I try to keep my own health adventures on the low down...for a few reasons but mostly because it creates too much anxiety and worry for my little band of warriors in the midst of their own hard struggles.

So, I drove myself down bright and early on Thursday for a little procedure on my bladder.  I don't think I even mentioned it to the boys and just briefly told Shelbie I would be tied up at a doctor's appointment most of the morning.  They still have no clue what I did on Thursday.  Since I was awake, and just a local was used, I could drive myself home again.  The joys of being single.

I've been pretty nervous about this and had a good three weeks to psych myself up for it.  Of course, no matter how much time you think you need to prepare for things such as this, you're never ready when the moment finally shows up.

The night before was terrible and then it was awful.  I couldn't sleep but I was so tired.  I would drift off for a minute or two but those brief moments were filled with a long playing nightmare of the test unfolding the following day.  I would wake up with a start and filled with dread...shake it off and try again to get some rest.  Minutes later, the same thing would happen only with a different ending and a drench of anxiety that was quite impressive, even for me!  This was the night, all night.  It was like one of those choose your own ending books.  Each dream became a little more odd.

All this!  Just for me...one lucky girl I tell ya! 


In a way it was good that the night was so rough, because by the time I arrived at the hospital, I just wanted it to be over and done with it, and didn't really care anymore how bad it was.  The more I visit our Urologist, the more I find him to be such a good doctor and a Godsend, truly, we were directed to this man. He's the perfect mix of friendly, kind and down to business.  He's capable and professional and I have come to love his MA and Secretary.  It's such a small practice still, since he hasn't been in the area very long and I think that is also why I like it there.   It's just quiet and I need that.

The bottom line is, that by all appearances, I don't have bladder cancer.  So, yay me! Some funky things happened post procedure so I have to go back next week for some more testing and head back to my Nephrologist because it seems, after confirming what I don't have, with this procedure, that the bleeding is definitely from my poor left kidney not filtering things as it should.  They just can't seem to get a handle on what is happening to me.  I imagine the kidney biopsy is next but we'll see.

At any rate, I am starting to feel a little better this afternoon.  I have had to keep working and put on a brave front the past couple of days, but honestly, I have felt like I've had a kidney stone to pass every 30 minutes.  I haven't been impressed with the added pain on top of my regular flank pain.  I read this was to be expected from what they did.

Oh well, enough whining.   For now, while I live in the unknown of how this is going to end,  I'm going to choose my own ending.  That ending is that I am moving on for now...I think ignorance is truly bliss,to some extent...so here's to watching the happy moments roll and blissful thinking...at least until Wednesday when it's back to the hospital! 

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