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Not every mom does this

It's an ongoing battle around here to find a middle ground when living with adult children, when all you know is mothering, rules, curfews, blah, blah, blah. It's hard to know when to let them practice a little trial and error and when to flat out say 'No'.

Shelbie thinks she has a blood clot in her leg again.  It's in the same place as the one last year and it's red, hot and painful.  Spencer spent the night before last doing jumping jacks and push ups in the middle of the night because his heart rate was so slow, down in the low 30's and high 20's.  He didn't know what else to do so he tried a little cardio to get it up.  It went from super low to the extreme end of fast and he couldn't get it to slow down so it was a rough night.  He has been having more struggles like this lately with his heart.

But...that's not going to stop the two of them from a road trip to Oregon.  Shelbie's friend needed a ride back home after being here at school so a couple of months ago, Shelbie signed up to drive her. She recruited Spencer and another friend.  They left this morning at 6 am...Spencer who's heart can't keep a rhythm and Shelbie who has all sorts of problems this week and repeat symptoms of what led to a stroke last year...makes sense that they should take a 13 hour road trip!  (Insert eye rolling)

Last night as they were packing, we reviewed all the meds they had packed, the ones they take and the 'what if' ones...what if this happens....what if that happens...  We double checked that they had insurance cards, and contact numbers and on and on. Then I found myself reviewing with the two friends what to do if one of my kids goes down!

It was a ridiculous conversation to be having.  Not every mom has to talk to the friends about strokes, heart attacks, CPR, Emergency room visits, and then finish the conversation with..."So who is driving first?"  I'm pretty sure those two girls wish they had a Plan B for getting home.

 I wonder what it would be like to just simply stand at the door, wave goodbye, blow kisses and say, "Have a great time!"   Instead, I stand at the door with anxiety spewing out my sleepless eyes, prayer pouring from my heart and mutter the words...Please don't die this week, I can't afford to ship your bodies home!"  (I didn't really say that, at least that they could hear) and then 10 minutes later, sent out the group text..."Are you there yet?" I'm a tired, crazy mom.

So, anxiety is a little high and then I found out I had to play the organ for church today and I hate that.  In fact, I curse the day I let my grandma teach me to play.  I had to have a little procedure done on my wrist a couple of days ago so between the ongoing pain, playing in front of 500 people, anxiety, worry...I'm getting a decent cardio workout with my racing heart.  I have mastered the art of working out without actually working out.  When people ask me how I stay so thin, I just let them know I can't reveal my secrets.

Sam and his yellow eyes wanted to go with them and he could have but he couldn't chip in the gas money and van rental so instead he asked where I was taking him for Spring Break..."Well Sam, we are having a Staycation right  here in Crazytown!"

It never gets easy to leave it alone and leave them in God's hands.  It's always the worthwhile goal to not worry but let's get real!


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  1. I think I'm going to use that phrase from now on...

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