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For the most part, today has been a little better.  Shelbie has been able to rest most of the day without too much bother. It was a glimmer of hope we really needed.  The doctor has been happy that the spreading has slowed right down and the infection seems to be breaking up slightly.  I really thought the improvements would last.

Tonight, things are rough again.  She ended up with an IV infiltration early, early this morning and now has Phlebitis from that.  They switched her IV at around 3am and things were better but tonight, she infiltrated the second IV.  It was an effort to get a new IV started for a third time.  Now, there is infection and phlebitis starting again in the second site.

Her body is slammed with trying to process so many different things going on, it just can't keep up.  There is really nothing more we can do for her but let time heal.  I really thought we might be able to go home tomorrow, and maybe we will but she has yet to manage this with oral meds which means, we can't go anywhere.  They tried her on oral Benedryl for the hives but those doubled in sized and spread even more so it's back to IV Benedryl.

Tonight I asked the nurse to completely sedate her.  I want her halfway comatose so her body can put the energy where it's needed.  It isn't helpful for her to be agitated and upset.  It just takes energy she doesn't have.  The doctor had orders for that kind of thing but somehow, you get in your head that you just need to 'fight' your way back to health so we've avoided most of what is available to us.  I think there is wisdom in 'resting' your way back to health.

I foresee another surgery in our very near future, maybe even within the week.  There isn't a healthy vein in her body so a port is going to be necessary regardless of what happens this week.

Anyhow...We had a few visitors this afternoon which really helped break up the long and wearying day.  It helps to not feel completely alone.

Shelbie and I have had some good talks about the whys of it all.  She is really worried if she is ever going to survive this let alone anything else.  Without really thinking, I said, "Well, I think this is God's way of preparing you for what might be coming.  We know what isn't working in terms of coping tools and where we need to shore up our efforts."

She agreed and we talked about how we can work together better to get through these incredibly hard times.  We agreed we get to be honest.  She can say a million times that she wants to die and I don't get to argue with her but just help her hold that thought for as long as she needs to.  I get to cry whenever I feel like, over anything I want and that doesn't mean anything other than I feel like crying.  It freaks her out when I seem less than pulled together.

It's a start.

Tomorrow is going to be a better day.  I am getting the pattern down of falling apart and that makes just enough room to pull it together and get back in the arena for several more days.  It's strange how breaking apart actually makes you stronger.  I see that happening though, in very small ways. It's a glimmer of hope really...emotionally speaking.

In the morning, we will talk to our doctor here about the logistics of getting to Salt Lake on Tuesday.  I'm not sure it's all that reasonable to travel if she should still be here in the hospital.  We can have a conference call to get pathology results.  We'll see.  If I had concerns about the level of care we are getting at our little county hospital, I would have been gone by now but our care has been the best we've ever had.  

My Wasband is going to take over the night shift for tonight.  I don't necessarily get to go home to sleep.  I get to go home and finish my taxes so Greta from the IRS still wants to be my friend!  I'll be back before the sun comes up.

Thank you to all the prayers and thoughts that have been offered on our behalf.  I know the prayers are coming from far and wide.  It's amazing to see.  We are really blessed.


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Comments

  1. Kathy...I am speechless. You are without a doubt the strongest person I know. I pray that the doctors will know how to help poor Shelbie. I will pray for comfort and peace for both of you and angels to surround your family.

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