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It's a plan...I guess

It's been an interesting day with emotions all over the map!  

I called our Gastroenterologist first thing this morning.  He returned my call at 9:30am.  I really feel strongly that Spencer needs a feeding tube.  He is trying so hard to eat but it's almost impossible to eat enough.  The lower his weight slips, the more difficult it becomes.  He is burning at least 700 calories every day at work.  His organs need at least 1200 calories to keep functioning properly so right there, he needs about 1900 calories just to maintain the low weight that he is at. He needs to gain weight!  The doc said he needs to be eating more like 4000 calories a day.   Let's not forget that whatever he puts in his mouth is out of his body one way or another in 10 minutes or less.

Here's the kicker...the doc wants him on a liquid diet.  4000 calories of liquid and dairy makes him doubled over in pain so milkshakes are out.  He wants 6 days of this and then we will reassess where his weight is.

A feeding tube means he could have a continuous feeding all night long, maybe even get in 1200 calories or more.  During the day, he could do the liquid and any other food he could manage.

The GI flat out says no.  He said Spencer just needs to eat more.  He physically can not eat more!!!  Why don't people understand this?  Ahhh....this is killing me!

I called Spencer back and told him the plan so he was all for it.  He's been in classes all day, just got out at 8:50 pm and now has to drive around trying to find a good weight gainer protein powder to start this wretched diet!  He's tired, frustrated and sick and now he has to try to worry about this.  It is taking everything in my power to not get in the car and drive down there and take care of my boy!!

It breaks my heart!  To no end!  

All day, when I wasn't panicking, I was screaming inside.   When I wasn't screaming inside I was pretty much fine and knew that things would work out.  Oh the roller coaster of life!

Nothing is easy anymore.  Not one thing ever just comes easy...yes, I'm whining right now.

Most the night, last night, I couldn't sleep.  My head was turning, trying to figure out what is happening to my son.  The thought came to me that maybe he is having spasms.  Maybe there is an antispasmodic he can take, or a muscle relaxer so the food doesn't just dump right out of his system. I prayed in every toss and every turn and every waking moment that I would have wisdom and see what the right thing to do is.

First thing this morning, I had the thought that maybe his blood sugar was off.  I Googled if blood sugar issues can cause chronic diarrhea and pain.  Sure enough...it can.  In rare cases, this can be a symptom of diabetes before the usual symptoms even appear!

Is it a coincidence that that thought entered my head out of the blue?  Is it a coincidence that the question in my head led to various studies proving that this does happen?  I never would have thought about diabetes being linked to GI problems normally.  It seems so far fetched. It happens though!

I tucked that thought away and started my frustrating day.  

Later in the afternoon, I was getting ready to leave for visiting teaching.  I had been trying to find a quote the past couple of days for my lesson and have been unsuccessful.  Just before I had to leave, I tried one more time.  The phrase I googled was "Power from God".  The first article up on the LDS website was actually a story in one of the youth magazines.  It was about a girl who had been sick for months with chronic diarrhea and had lost 15 lbs in just a few weeks.  After much prayer, it was discovered that she had diabetes!!!

What is that?  Coincidence?  Twice in one day, I stumble into stories about people losing massive amounts of weight and it being attributed to diabetes?

I'm kind of stunned.  I know that somewhere, there is a blessing in this.  I'm not sure which doctor I can talk to that won't immediately dismiss my crazy thoughts.  I feel like I have to follow up on this.

Spencer has had a history of passing out, lightheadedness, shaking etc.  When he started noticing his weight drop on his mission, he also passed out for no reason in his kitchen one morning while making breakfast.   Every time this kind of thing has happened before his mission, I always made him eat a little something with sugar or drink some juice.  It seemed that that would fix it.  I always made sure that he had a good protein snack when he went skiing or to the gym because he would get so sick so fast.

Maybe it's nothing.  Maybe it is just a coincidence.  But what if it's not?  I know it sounds crazy.


Ahh...I know that we will be led along and I hate myself for getting so upset when I know for a fact, we are in God's hands.  I guess that makes me human....and that is really too bad.

I want to end with a quote from William Robert Anderson.  He took the submarine Nautilus under the North Pole from the Pacific waters to the Atlantic.  On the control panel of his sub, he had the following, "I believe I am always divinely guided.  I believe I will always take the right road.  I believe that God will always make a way even when there appears no way at all."

I needed to be reminded of this...we will be divinely guided.  I wish it wasn't so hard to remember this.


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